Fossil.

Since we only have a few weeks of “outside” weather down in the dirty, dirty south, I’ve been trying to take full advantage of the few days that we call spring.  Now that Anna is no longer scared of grass, she likes taking full advantage of the outside as well.  In fact, she’s no longer happy being inside.  She spends the entire day crying at the front door.  I spend the entire day crying at my computer desk.  An evil part of me wishes I could zap Anna’s memories of the outside – kind of like Will Smith in Men in Black.  Don’t get me wrong, I love that my child embraces the outdoors, but this constant need to be in touch with mother nature is making me a little insane.

So, giving in to my child, once again, we made a trek outside to the backyard.  The backyard provides no comfort, no relaxation, no Pottery Barn-esque tables and chairs.  So, I sit on the cold concrete while Anna plays in the weeds.  One day we’ll get a swing set, I promise.  Anna doesn’t care at this point.  She’s happy playing with sticks and fossils. 


Fossils?  Yes, fossils. 


You see, Anna is at the stage of life where she finds everything and brings it to me.  Much like a cat bringing its prized dead mouse to its owner, Anna is always very proud of her finds.  She runs up to me with a big smile on her face, and then she deposits a piece of lint or a stick into my hand.  I make a big deal out of it, congratulate her for being such a great finder of things, and then she goes on to find other random bits.  Lather, Rinse, repeat. 


On this particular day, I notice Anna looks especially excited about her latest find.  She holds it in her hand very carefully and runs it over to me.  As she gets closer, this is my thought process…


::What is she holding in her hand?  Is it a stick?  No.  Is it a bug?  No.  Is it an animal?  No.  Why is it white?  There shouldn’t be anything white in our yard?  It looks rather large and lumpy, so I know it’s not a rock.  It’s…It’s…::


A piece of fossilized dog crap. 


Anna found one of Cosmo’s old presents and took it upon herself to bestow it upon her mother.  How lucky am I to have such a kind and giving child?  And how lucky are we to have antibacterial hand soap? 


Man, do we need a swing set.  And some outside toys that aren’t fossilized pieces of dog crap.


Here are some pictures from another outside adventure day.  Please excuse the weeds.
 
She finds something very, very funny.  Either that or she’s passing gas.  It’s hard to tell. This was before Joe cut the grass.  I told you there were lots o’ weeds!  Anna has found a stick.  It’s not dog crap, I promise. She’s tempting Cosmo with the stick. Cosmo stole the stick.  Anna has decided to stack Cosmo’s bowls on my leg. They spilled. Cosmo is whispering sweet nothings in Anna’s ear.  Curls.  I wonder where she gets them from?

Obesity and Dry Pine.

I'm feeling very random today, so excuse my ramblings. (Is that a word?)

Random thought #1...
Have you ever watched a show on obesity where the camera person gets shots of obese people from the neck down? I often wonder if those people are watching the program at that exact moment and say to themselves, "Hey, I have that exact same shirt! Hey, I have those exact shorts! Whoa, I've been there before! Wait a damn minute, that's me!!"
I mean, seriously, don't you find it strange that these camera operators are videotaping people without their consent or knowledge? I highly doubt they have to get permission since the person's face isn't in clear view. Just imagine if you were one of those people they were videotaping and you saw yourself on camera for all the world to see.
It's just something I've pondered lately since my Tivo has been recording lots of shows of this type.

Random thought #2...
Did you know that if you climb Mount Everest and you suddenly die or find yourself dying, that a) no one is going to rescue your ass and 2) your body will be left there for eternity? Why is this? Well, the altitude is too high, so flying in a rescue helicopter is impossible and it would take at least 20 trained people to move one average-sized person down the mountain. So, let's just say you get a wild hair up your butt and try to summit the mountain. If you take too long to hike up/down and use up most of your oxygen, you're basically screwed. Forgot to bring enough water? So long, amigo.

If you really think the bonds you've established with your hike-mates will save your life, you're wrong. They will leave you faster than Lindsey Lohan leaves her man. Then they will call your wife/husband and tell them that your body will be a human sicle on the side of Everest as long as the Earth is in existance. There's no possible way they can ever get you down from the mountain. If that's not enough motivation to prohibit idiots from ever climbing that mountain again, I don't know what is.

Random thought #3...
If you're ever stranded in the African Wilderness and decide that you're thirsty, just squeeze a delicious lump of elephant dung into your mouth and you'll be A-OK.

Random thought #4...
My mom tells me the other day that my dad was so enthralled with an Olsen Twins movie that he was actually visibly aggravated when he had to leave to go somewhere before the movie ended. His response, "Now I'm not going to know how this movie ends!" My dad is 6'5", 220 lbs. and a true man's man. The fact that he was even watching an Olsen twins movie is comical.

Random thought #5...
On my way to work this morning I saw my first dead Christmas tree sitting on a curb waiting to be picked up by the trash collectors. This made me unbelieveably sad for some reason. Christmas came and went WAY too quickly this year. Now there aren't any good holidays for about 10 months ('til Halloween). This sucks!