My man has strayed.

My co-worker called me over to her desk today to give me some bad news.

My future husband, Topher Grace, has strayed.

Not only has he strayed, but he strayed with Vanessa Minnillo. What am I supposed to do with that?

It's over, Topher.

Image Courtesy of Bricksandstonesgossip.com

Comments in red are mine.

Vanessa Minnillo was busy hooking up with Topher Grace this weekend, I guess she got over Nick Lachey pretty fast (Yeah, that's because she's a ho-hoe - they heal faster)! She seemed to heal her broken heart very, very fast - with Topher Grace (ahem, my man)!

The party of the year took place Saturday night at Seth MacFarlane's and while we were enjoying the outdoor casino and the orchestra (yes, that's right an orchestra) we saw Vanessa and Spider-Man 3 star Topher chatting. Topher then started rubbing her arm (stop it, Topher, you don't know where that arm has been), and Vanessa whispered in his ear and they exchanged phone numbers.

Before long they were on the dance floor and putting the "dirty" in dirty dancing (Patrick Swayze would be ashamed). Vanessa took off her shoes (that's disgusting) and held them in one hand, wrapping her other arm around Topher's neck and the next thing we knew she was kissing him on the neck (Triflin')!

In a bit of perfect timing the DJ spun 'Sex on Fire' by Kings of Leon and Vanessa turned her back to Topher, and did a super hot grind/dance while he played with her hair (this made me vomit twice). The music switched to The Jackson Five's 'ABC' and that's when Vanessa and Nick, er Topher, (sorry, it's so hard to make the transition, for us, not her) starting MAKING OUT right on the dance floor (again, ho-hoe)!

Around 1:30 a.m. Sunday they left the party together. (WTH? Where did they go?!)

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I'm going to go cry for a little while. I'll be back!

Things I hate.

1. While Driving: When you let people in front of you and they don't acknowledge your act of kindness with a wave or head nod. At that point, I wish my life was a Tivo and I could rewind and delete that moment.
2. Lettuce that is brown.
3. The guy who does the Sham-WOW commercials.
4. The bearded guy who does every other infomercial on TV.
5. People who make fun of me for owning a Snuggie.
6. Plastic surgery face (i.e. Joan Rivers)
7. The hard pieces of gristle in meat.
8. When people say "like" and "you know" after every word in a sentence.
9. People who buy/adopt pets and then get rid of them when they become an inconvenience.
10. People who bathe in perfume and cologne. I have a headache just thinking about it.
11. Kelly Killoren Bensimon
12. When men comb over their hair to cover up bald spots. Who do they think they're fooling?
13. Even worse - when men wear toupees. Just go bald gracefully, please.
14. Bad breath.
15. Inconsiderate cigarette smokers. Please don't light up next to me.
16. Men who are cocky.
17. Men who aren't Topher Grace.
18. Pit stains.
19. Camel humps.
20. Salmon.

What do you hate? Get it all off your chest.

By the way, I'm not all doom and gloom - I will write a "Things I love" post soon!

Pining for Jeannie.

I've been to the dark side over the past few days, and it wasn't pretty. It was scary. And Dark. And germ-y. And a place I never want to visit again.

Being the hypochondriac that I am, I was convinced I'd somehow contracted the Swine Flu. I go to the Jazz Fest and touch a PortaPotty door and what happens? I get Swine Flu, right?

Nah, just a bad viral something. I shall stop there and spare you the gory details.

I'm over it now. Thankfully. My toilets thank me, too.

So, that leaves me with one messofahouse. Like a Cat 5 Hurricane and F5 Tornado mated, birthed a Tazmanian-like Tsunami and let it loose in every room of my house. I was only sick in one room, so why is every single room in my house a disaster? I just stand and turn in circles going round and round and wondering how on Earth I'm ever going to get some order back into dis place?

Working a full-time job, being a mom, a wife, and a self-confessed reality TV junkie leaves me with little time to tidy up like I used to. I'm a neat freak by nature, so living with this disorganization makes me feel uneasy and makes me want to cry a little (or a lot).

This is why I'm pining for Jeannie.

I'd like to have a Genie (Or Jeannie) right now. I don't care if it's a woman in a slutty tube top or a blue, fat man or a dog or a rainbow-colored zebra so long as I could ask for a clean house and have a clean house with a simple nod of his/her/its head.

I would also ask for 10 minutes alone with Topher Grace, but that's another post for another day.

As I pry myself up from this chair in my filthy home office, I pose this question to you - if you could ask a Genie or Jeannie to grant you one wish, any wish at all, what would that wish be?

Off to clean now. Le sigh.

Six Degrees of Topher Grace.

As many of you may know, I'm a huge fan of Topher Grace. I fell in love with him on That 70s Show, and my love grew even stronger when I watched "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" and "In Good Company" (I wasn't too impressed with him in P.S.). When I say love, I mean luve (a mixture of lust and love). Let's just put it this way, if I was single, and if he would be desperate enough to go out with me, I'd fly up to wherever it is that he lives and call it a day. Does that make me crazy? Possibly.

So, for the past few weeks they've been building a set about a block from my work. There are about 20 headstones set up in cemetery-like fashion. With the weather all gloomy and cold, it's the perfect backdrop for whatever sad, sappy movie is about to be filmed here. Which, by the way, I just found out is a Brad Pitt film called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (comes out in 2008).

I usually eat my lunch and read by the Lakefront, so I was especially curious today when I saw that parts of the park were being partitioned off by barricades and police tape. Since I'm nosy as hell, I came back to work and told my co-worker about it - she immediately wanted to go check it out. Who am I to argue? We march down to the lakefront and start chatting with everyone who has gathered.

This is what we hear while we're standing there...

"Brad Pitt is going to be filming today!"
"No, Brad isn't going to be here!"
"Yes, Brad will be here!"
"No, Brad isn't coming!"

So, being the investigator that I am, we started chatting up some LA guy who was there to help setup. After he tried being smooth and flirting with us - spare me - he said that Brad won't be there and that some character actor guy would be filming a scene at 4.

My point is this - this LA actor guy said he just got finished wrapping up Spider Man III - which, my friends, stars none other than Topher Grace - my future husband. So, in some sick and twisted way, I experienced a Six Degrees scenario with my favorite actor. I couldn't care less about Brad Pitt at this point.

Oh, when we were walking back to work, one of the photographers there from the local paper said that the movie company asked them to come out and photograph. It's unspoken that Brad WILL be there. I guess that none of the assistants can verify that he'll be there - perhaps it's some sort of breach. I'm not sure.

I will be there at 4 just to see. I'll post an update later.