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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hell girl / Week 24

Joe and I always feel like we’ve won the lottery when it comes to the temperament of our child.  She’s sweet, mild-mannered, calm, loving, nurturing – basically any wonderful adjective you want to throw in there will work.  I know that most parents probably say this about their child, so you’re probably taking what I’m saying with a grain of salt, but I promise you that she’s a sweet little girl. 

With that said, take the antonym of every word I listed above, and that’s what we had a few nights ago when we took Anna to see the Christmas lights at a local park. 

The day started out fine, she was happy and pleasant.  She even made an art collage for her friend who was going to be there.  Here’s her artwork:

When we first got to the park, she was still well-behaved.  She listened to what we were telling her, and she was really excited about the lights.  Then all hell broke loose.  Hell girl replaced my angel girl, and we then became “those parents” – you know the parents that you pity because they have a demon spawn for a child? 

I’m not sure if the air was laced with meth, but our normally calm and quiet child was literally bounding away from us, running faster than we could run, hitting and kicking and pinching and scratching when we picked her up, laughing maniacally at us when we’d reprimand her, climbing rock walls that weren’t meant to be climbed.  The only thing that separated her from Satan at that point was that she didn’t have a tail or a pitchfork. 

It’s truly embarrassing when your child is the only one misbehaving.  All of the other kids were quietly enjoying the lights.  Ours was pulling on them and making them catch on fire (true story). 

After two hours of this nonsense, we finally decided it best that we leave.  As we were walking to the car, Joe put her down for a split second.  She took this as an out and actually ran away from us towards cement steps and traffic.  My fat, pregnant ass ran after her (in 4” boots, no less), but of course I move slower than molasses in January at this point.  Fortunately, I just made it before she had a mouthful of cement.  I was ENRAGED.  And embarrassed.

I vowed then and there to keep her locked in a cage for the rest of her toddler life.

Totally kidding about the cage, but damn if I wasn’t thinking about it at that point.  She was a wildebeest.  A wildebeest with a curly afro of hair and Spongebob Square Pants teeth. 

We’re still pretty traumatized about the night and are debating whether to bring her out in public again before she turns 18.  I’ll have to get back to you on that.

Now that things have returned to normal in her brain and the meth high has worn off, she’s back to her old sweet self (thankfully).  Today is her school Christmas party.  She got to wear pajamas today, so I put her in the Santa pajamas that I bought for her last year.  They still fit!  

I promise her hair looked cuter in person:
You see that look she’s giving the camera?  This is how she looked at the Christmas light display except she had fangs and was frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog.

So, I just realized this will be my last post before Christmas, so I hope all of you out there have a wonderful Christmas day with your family and friends!   


24 weeks and counting…
Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

Images and content courtesy of

How far along: 24 weeks

Total weight gain: +16.5 total.  This is +3.5 from last week.  I’m feeling very…puffy.  It was kind of shocking to see a 3.5+ weight gain after two weeks of no gain, but it’s all necessary and to be expected.  I’m right where I need to be as far as the weight gain goes, so I’ll just keep focusing on that.  While it’s hard for me to see myself this way (just being honest here), I know the baby is healthy. 

Sleep habits: Sleep is still going well with the exception of a toddler kicking me all night.  Anna’s newest thing is that she’s scared to sleep in her room because there are worms and butterflies in there.  Last time I checked, her room was worm and butterfly free, so I am chalking it up to toddler hysteria.  Last night I tried a different approach (instead of caving and letting her sleep with us) and just held her hand until she fell asleep in her bed.  It worked!  She lasted in her bed ‘til 4 a.m. which is a record for these past few weeks.  So, once she moves into our bed, I can kiss my peaceful sleep goodbye.  Who would’ve thought that my toddler would be keeping me up at night!

Maternity clothes: I tried on my non-maternity bloated day jeans this morning.  HA.  DEAD.  YEAH RIGHT.  Yeah, they don’t fit.  Like at all.  Anywhere.  :sobs:  If I continue at this pace, I won’t even fit into my maternity jeans anymore.  I have no idea what’s going on with me, but every part of my body is puffy, not just my belly.  I should probably slow down on the carb-y stuff like loaves of bread and 2 lbs. of mashed potatoes.  I can’t keep using pregnancy as an excuse to eat everything I want because eventually I will have this baby, and who wants to deal with 20 lbs. of extra stuff that shouldn’t even be there to begin with?

Best moment of the week:  I’m honestly trying to think of something, but it’s been a hum dinger of a week for many reasons.  Let’s hope that things are better in 2012!
Food cravings: Food.

Symptoms: I haven’t had many symptoms this week.  I think Joseph is moving up, so I no longer have the sciatica.  He must’ve moved in a new position because the heartburn isn’t as bad either.  It’s been a pretty nice, symptomless week!  I’ve had a few hormone flare-ups, but I never know if it’s baby-related or just stress-of-life related.  Maybe a mixture of both.  I just have to say that Joe has been the most amazing husband ever, and I can’t thank him enough for being so wonderfully supportive through all of my pregnancy craziness! 

Movement:  As usual, Joseph picks and chooses times to be active.  The times he’s not, of course I worry.  Then he starts using my bladder as a trampoline, and I think, “Why the hell was I so worried?!” 

What I’m looking forward to:  Christmas in just a few days!  I’m looking forward to Anna’s face when she sees what Santa brought for her!

What I miss: I can’t think of anything that I miss right now.

Next appointment: January 5th.  I realized a few days ago that I will be 26w and some change at my next appointment.  At my last appointment I asked my OB when I’d have to take the Gestational Diabetes – drink that nasty crap drink – test.  She told me that we’d do it at the appointment after next.  At that point, I’ll be 30 weeks which is outside the 24 – 28 weeks window.  So, I called the office and told them, and I have to go pick up the drink next week.  On January 5th, I’ll have to guzzle flat tang drink and sit there for an hour while they tell me if I can continue eating like a carb-fanatic or if I have to start watching my diet more.  My fingers are crossed that I can continue eating mashed potatoes. 


liz @ bon temps beignet said...

Gah, the orange glucose drink was awful. They didn't give me the option of picking a flavor, so I just guzzled that junk like it was diet coke. It wasn't bad going down but, minutes later I got THE worst gut ache and some pretty horrible heartburn.

As for Ana's little meth-induced meltdown, I have something that *might* help her stay calm for the next few days. It worked wonders on my niece who is a lot like Ana... a pleasure to be around 99% of the time but turns into Satan's spawn every blue moon.
It's a customizable video from Santa for kids AND adults that lets them know if they're on the naughty or nice list. After my SIL and I made one for her daughter I made another for my hubby. It was pretty hilarious. You should definitely give it a try.

OhioFamOf4 said...

Your stories crack me up! Not sure if you've tried this but when I was pregnant I learned if you refrigerate the orange drink it makes it a little more tolerable. A little. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Jenn said...

Seriously, I was sitting here laughing so hard at your meth loving-demon-spawn evening. So funny!

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