30 something.

When I was a young lass, my mother had a short-lived fascination with the show 30 Something.  I would be casually playing with my Care Bears on the living room floor and nearly puke on Funshine Bear when I heard the instrumental intro to the show.  Noooooooo, mom, not again.  Not 30 Something.  These people are old.  These people are boring.  These people have kids and jobs and all of the other lame stuff that adults have to have to be successful in life. 

These people are now ME!

I had a mini panic attack the other night when I heard Sophia mention the show on a Golden Girls episode.  30 something?  I’m 30 something.  How did I go from a snot-nosed, Care Bear loving child who thought that 30 year olds needed canes and Poly-grip to a married mother of one with a mortgage, a job and a birth date from a decade where bell-bottoms and 8-tracks were all the rage? 


When did I trade my roller skates for a pair of Jimmy Choos and my Rainbow Brite purse for a briefcase (ok, I don’t really own a pair of Jimmy Choos or a briefcase, it’s all about symbolism, folks)?  Did someone hit fast-forward at some point? How I ended up at the 30 Something mark without needing a cane or Poly Grip is nothing short of a miracle.  I don’t have gray hair or winkles or boobs that sag to my knees.  I feel like a 20 year old on most days and can still hang with a crowd ‘til at least 10 p.m.  So, what was I so scared of?  What made me think that 30 Something was old? 

I’ll tell you what made me think that – youth.  I see teenagers all the time, and when they talk to me, they call me, “Ma’am.”  I am always taken aback by that because, in my mind, I am still a teenager.  I no longer get carded.  I no longer feel comfortable shopping at Aeropostale or American Eagle.  I wonder if teenagers look at me like I used to look at the cast of characters on 30 Something way back when.  Old, mature, boring, stuffy, plain, bland.  Or do they look at me and think – wow, she’s kind of cool for a 30 something mother of one, getting old won’t be so bad. 

According to IMDB.com, 30 Something only lasted for 4 years. I guess you can only be 30 something for a short while.  It’s kind of like the Saved By the Bell kids – did any of us really believe that those kids were in high school that entire time?  In real world time, they would’ve been 30 something by the time they graduated.  There’s only so much you can do to keep up.  I’d like to pitch an idea for a show to one of the networks.  It’ll be like the Duggars except without the multiple litters of children.  Something like, “30 Something and Counting.”  


Who would’ve thought that my 30 something years would be the best years of my life?  BRING IT ON 40 something!

Hell hath frozen over.

I guess hell has frozen over, hasn’t it?  Not only did our Saints make it to the Super Bowl this year, THEY WON IT!  I don’t think I’ve experienced such true joy and elation since my daughter was born.  If you’re a resident of New Orleans, you understand how important this win is for the city and the people there.  Even if you’re not a resident, you understand. 

In true Natalie form, I took my camera to my mom's house fully intending to take pictures the moment we took hold of the Lombardi trophy, but I left it in the camera bag the whole night. So, I don't have any pictures to post of our victory. Let's just say that I jumped up and down like a kangaroo on a hot road and probably dislodged some vital organs. That's OK, though, our Saints are WORLD CHAMPIONS.

So, in light of how awesome a night last night was, I wanted to share some of my favorite Superbowl commercials of the night. Admittedly my focus was on the game, so I had to re-watch most of them to get the point or to laugh at the funny parts. 

If you're my friend, you know all about my major obsession with all things Golden. So, it's no surprise that my absolute favorite commercial starred our favorite friend, Betty White!

After watching this two or three times, I finally got it! It's not that I'm dense, it's just that I wasn't paying attention. After it sunk in, I shed one tear. Or maybe two. Ok, three. SHUT IT!

Ok, is it sad that this reminds me of something Cosmo would do? Right after he humped our legs.

So, what were some of your favorite commercials? Oh, and how bout 'dem SAINTS?! WHO DAT!

And the winner is…

The winner of the cute handbag from Breleigh’s Boutique is…

…Crystal!

Please e-mail me @ oneporkchopblog@yahoo.com with your mailing address, and check your mailbox in a few days! Congratulations to you and thanks to everyone who participated! Please check back for more giveaways!

There really is an app for everything.

It’s no secret that I’m a Saints fan.  Even if you’re not much of a football fan, I’m sure you’re aware that the Saints have kicked major butt this season and will be playing in their first Super Bowl game this Sunday evening.  Having a ticket to to attend this bowl game is like having a golden ticket to see Willie Wonka. 

Unless you’re a big wig politician, a multi-millionaire or a sucker willing to go into deep amounts of debt to attend this game, your butt will be firmly planted on your plush sofa yelling WHO DAT from the privacy of your own home (or friends’ home or local bar or tailgate party).  My point is that these tickets are extremely expensive and extremely difficult to obtain. 

Since we’re not politicians or multi-millionaires, we decided to press our luck and buy some charity raffle tickets online.  Hey, they were only $2, and they went to a good cause.  So, we said a silent prayer and clicked the submit button to close the deal.  We never win anything.  Ever.  However, a fortune cookie told us that this would be the best year ever, so we knew we’d win.  Why not?  A fortune cookie said so.  The best year ever = going to the Super Bowl.  Case closed.  

So, Wednesday was the lucky day – the day our names would surely be chosen for this amazing prize.  Tick tock, tick tock, no calls.  No emails.  No nothing.  Did they forget about us?  Did we input our phone number incorrectly?  What gives?!

In a distracted state of mine, I began preparing lunch for my child.  You know, a healthy lunch like Swanson’s chicken nuggets and a cheese slice.  In the middle of my preparation, Joe’s phone rings.  He looks at the caller ID.  He shows me the phone - “Number unavailable.”  Who the heck could it be?  We both stare at each other in nervous anticipation.  He slides the bar and answers the phone. Here’s how the conversation goes:

Joe: "Hello?"
Pause
Joe: "Yes, this is Joe!"
Pause
Joe: You're kidding me!!!

At this point I’m grabbing the counter to keep from passing out on the floor.  My heart is racing a mile a minute, and I’m about to explode with the loudest WHO DAT ever heard ‘round these parts. 

Joe: "WE NEVER WIN ANYTHING! Oh MY GOD!"

Then he throws the phone to me and says, "Talk to them!"

I'm yelling into the phone, "Hello? Hello? Hello?" No response. I panic.  "Holy crap, Joe, you hung up on them! I panic some more.  “How do we call them back?!”

Joe falls over in a fit of laughter while I'm standing there still talking to some non-existent person on the other end of the line.  My world came crashing down, everything faded to brown and black. I realized, at that point, that I'd been had by the King Jokester.  He can’t even speak because he’s laughing so hard.  I’m just standing there with the biggest WTF expression on my face.  Complete and utter disgust.

He walks up to me and shows me his newest iPhone App - the Fake Caller app. You can set it up for your phone to ring with a fake caller on the other end.  Now iPhone can be proud of all of the divorces they will cause ‘round the world from this idiotic crap.  How many hearts have to be broken before this type of stuff is outlawed? 

I'm going to need therapy after today's events. Does iPhone have an app for that?

Ol’ Roy.

When I was a small child, I was extremely picky when it came to food choices.  I had a few typical kid staples like mac n’ cheese, fruit roll ups, mashed potatoes and some odd ball stuff like Vienna Sausage with spinach.  Yes, I really did eat that.  And enjoyed it. 

After moving back home to the dirty dirty south, my palette matured quite a bit.  I started adding different dishes to the equation – a little bit of jambalaya here, some gumbo there, crawfish pie and blackened catfish.  A dash of Tony Chacheres for flavor.  Laissez le bon temps roulet.   If you’re not drooling right now, there’s seriously something wrong with you.

I digress.

What’s unfortunate is that I can’t cook worth a crap, so my nightly dinners usually consist of Ritz Crackers and cheese cubes.  The meals listed above are for special occasions – like when I’m at the house of someone who can actually cook.  My meals are much more, shall we say, humble.

Last night, for example, I made a simple turkey sandwich for dinner.  After gorging the entire weekend, I figured I needed to cleanse myself of all of that Cajun food.  Halfway through my meal, Anna walks up to my plate and makes a very special deposit.  It was round and brown and much like the dog food we feed Cosmo.  I can appreciate wanting to try new things, but dog food isn’t on my list. 

A few minutes later, she returns with more deposits.  This time, an entire handful.  She throws them on my plate and claps.  My child has found Cosmo’s dog food bucket and has taken it upon herself to share the tiny morsels with her family.  What’s incredible about this whole story is that she doesn’t even want to try them herself – she’s all about giving, that one. 

This charitable act went on for a good 10 minutes.  That is, until my entire plate was covered in dog food.  Even Cosmo would’ve shunned that enormous buffet of food.  Why did I let her do it, you may ask?  Well, for one, it was cute.  I mean, how can I deny my child of that sort of fun and excitement?  Also, any parents out there know that when your child is entertaining him/herself, you don’t mess up that stream of consciousness.  Plus, the constant walking back and forth from the food pantry to my plate was not only building up leg muscles but also wearing her crazy little butt out.  More sleep for mommy and daddy = good life!

So, the moral of today’s story is to always look at your plate if your child is around.  And be open to trying new foods.  But not dog food.  Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

Things I love.

As a new mom-to-be, I honestly had NO idea what items and accessories would be useful once Anna arrived.  I spent countless hours hunched over my used Baby Bargains book and many more hours surfing the Interwebs for the best deals on X, Y, Z.  Basically, it’s all crap.  The majority of items that I put on my registry are now taking up space in our attic because I’m still of the opinion that maybe, just maybe, I can use them for baby #2 (although I know I won’t).  So, with that in mind, I figured I’d write about the useful things (things I love) that I’ve tried out since becoming a mom.  I will also write about the things I hate, but that will come later, so be patient!

Things I love (in no particular order):

1. Munchkin Bath Rinser. Giving Anna a bath is a breeze now.  I can sleep easily at night knowing that I’m no longer causing permanent retinal damage by all of the soap that she used to get in her eyes.  The soft, flexible part in the front conforms to her forehead and creates a barrier, so the water doesn’t get into her eyes.  The person who created this is seriously a genius. 
   
   
2. Homedics SS-3000 Soundspa.  Anna was never a napper or a sleep through the nighter until I added the Soundspa (aka Baby Crack Machine) to the equation.  We use this for every nap and throughout the night while she sleeps.  I’ve heard negative feedback about the projector, but we never use it, so ours still works.  The sounds work like a charm – no problems there.   
   
3. Ducky Bubble Spout Cover.  It’s such a simple concept, but it’s saved us lots of grief (and visits from CPS).  Once Anna became more mobile, she would constantly hit her head or scratch her back on the tub spout.  I found this little goody at Target and haven’t looked back once!  She loves being able to open and close the top (you can put bubbles in there), and the soft material doesn’t even phase her when she bumps into it.   
   
4. Two-piece pajama sets and footed pajamas with zippers. Unless you’re some mom whiz, buttoning up pajamas at 2 a.m. is next to impossible.  My child looked crooked for the first 6 months of her life because I was just too darn tired to snap her pajamas correctly.  So, for the cold nights in our house, my favorite pajamas are the two piece pajamas or the footed pajamas with a zipper (I refuse to say jammies, btw).  A few of you asked about some of the pajamas that Anna has worn in her photos.  Click the link above to see them at Target – they’re on sale, too!  
   
5. Summer Infant Mother's Touch Deluxe Baby Bather Pink.  Before Anna took ownership of the tub, we used this bather every time we cleaned our dirty child.  She was able to comfortably sit upright the entire bath which made it easier to bathe her and keep her entertained.  Since it sits directly in the tub, I didn’t have to worry about filling up a cumbersome plastic tub with water.  Plus, it’s portable, so I was able to bring it with us wherever we went.  I was actually very sad when I had to retire this tub to our attic.  Oh well, if my next child is a girl, we’re in luck.  If my next child is a boy, he will just have to deal with the girly pink fabric!  

   That’s it for now.  Please feel free to leave comments about what has been most useful for you.  I know lots of moms read this blog and would appreciate any feedback from real moms (not authors of books who are paid to promote crap products). 

And the winner is…

The winner of the awesome wristlet from Mada’s Place is…

…LindseyLou! 

Please e-mail me @ oneporkchopblog@yahoo.com with your mailing address and the wristlet design that you want, and check your mailbox in a few days! Congratulations to you and thanks to everyone who participated!  I’ll have another awesome give away this Friday, so please check back!