Oh, Christmas Tree! / Week 22

With Christmas quickly approaching, I realized I needed to get my butt into gear putting up the few decorations we have.  I waited too long to nag Joe to get the fall decorations from the attic (since I’m in such a delicate state and can no longer do it myself), so our house was barren for fall.  I didn’t want to make that mistake for Christmas as well.

So, I nagged.  A lot.  And Joe, being the great man he is, finally succumbed to my nagging and pulled out the 2,000 bins of Christmas crap that we store annually in our attic. 

What’s unfortunate is that even with my impatience, the decorations sat in our garage untouched for about a week until I got off of my lazy butt and started unpacking everything. 

I’m going to be honest and tell you that decorating for Christmas is a chore.  Every single year this is how it plays out in my mind prior to the decorations going up…

<<soft Christmas music is playing in the background, the fireplace is warm with fire, the house is filled with the fragrance of cinnamon candles and a pot roast cooking in the crock pot, the cats are snuggled near the fire, Joe is wearing a turtleneck sweater while holding a mug of hot chocolate, Anna is prancing around in angel wings and singing White Christmas>>

My reality…

<<Superman is playing in the background, this is the 25th time we’ve watched it for the day, the fireplace is over-flowing with soot and embers from fires that we had days before, but it’s cold and dark tonight, the house smells like cat box and garbage that hasn’t been taken out in three days, the cats are puking on the carpet – never the wood or tile floors, Joe is sitting on the sofa playing Angry Birds while wearing a hole-y t-shirt, Anna is eating Velveeta cheese and crying because she wants to ride her bike outside even though it’s dark and rainy>>

Add in 2,000 white lights that no longer work, all of them tightly wrapped into the garland I need to hang on the mantle, and what was supposed to be a wonderfully charming Christmas experience has turned into my own Clark W. Griswold nightmare.

Except take Joe out of the equation this year because he was actually at work.  And Anna wasn’t really eating Velveeta - she was eating Kraft. 

The one bright spot about this year’s decorating adventure was that Anna was actually able to participate for the first time, and she actually enjoyed doing it.  So, while I sat untangling 2,000 broken white lights, she started decorating the tree for me.  Granted, most of the ornaments are in the same 2 inch spot, but her efforts were greatly appreciated, and I left everything exactly where she put it just to let her know that I’m proud!

Next year I’ll need to buy a Christmas phrase with five letters!

Now we just need some presents beneath this tree!  Santa?

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of this adorable FREE service, but you can have Santa Claus send a personalized message to your little one HERE.  Anna’s video turned out so cute – I can’t wait for her to watch it.  I think she’s going to freak out because I was able to personalize it just for her.  I may play it all year so she’ll continue being a good girl.  This Santa thing really does work.

Speaking of videos, I was able to capture a short video of Anna singing and decorating the tree.  As I said before, her little singing debut really made my night – even though she only knows two phrases to two different songs (Oh, Christmas Tree and All the Way) and meshed them into one song.  At least you can see how excited she is about decorating the tree and actually taking part in Christmas this year.

Anna’s singing debut!

Since Anna is a bit older and more into the spirit of things, we’ve introduced the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon into our house.  The only difference is the elf we’re using was a free one that someone gave us last year, and we don’t have the book.  I made up poem in place of the actual story.  I think it explains it well enough.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You better be good this year,
The freaky ass elf is watching you.

I leave ass off when I say it to Anna because that’s what responsible parents do. 

Anyway, Anna has lovingly named her elf JoAnn (my mother-in-law’s name).  My daughter has a slight obsession with the name JoAnn and also with her maw maw.  I think it’s pretty cute!

Here’s JoAnn the elf:
We were a few days behind with this whole thing, so JoAnn has only appeared in different spots twice – the first morning we found her riding Anna’s bike, but I forgot to take pictures because I fail.

This morning JoAnn was taking a dip in her own little elf bubble bath made of cotton balls.  I’ve seen pictures of entire sinks filled with cotton balls, but I only had about 10 cotton balls left, so I improvised.  Either way, Anna missed it because she was in a really bad mood this morning and didn’t care.  At least I have a photo!

_____________________________________________________
 
22 weeks and counting…

Here’s where we are this week:
At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.


Images and content courtesy of babycenter.com


How far along: 22 weeks

Total weight gain: +13.5 total.  This is +/-0 from last week.  I think the baby has moved up just a bit, which, in turn curbs my insatiable appetite a bit.  Which, in turns, curbs my weight gain.  It’s so weird how I can gain 3 lbs. in one week and 0 the next.  According to the weight gain calculator, I’m smack dab in the middle of below average and average gain, so I think I’m doing just fine. 

Sleep habits: Sleep has been pretty great this past week.  I’ve gotten a break from the sciatica and the bladder pressure, so I’ve been very comfortable.  I still have random bouts of pregnancy insomnia where I’ll wake up in the early hours and stay up an hour or two, but it’s nothing the Golden Girls can’t cure.  I actually enjoy the quiet time where I can jump on my phone and catch up on things without having a toddler asking me to wipe her butt or fix her a snack.  My dreams have quieted down a bit, too.  The baby seems pretty active at night – especially when I’m on my back.  No matter how hard I try to sleep on my side, I always wake up on my back. 

Maternity clothes: No updates here – I’m still wearing them. I haven’t really bought anything else as I feel like I have enough staples to get me through for now.  The baby hasn’t moved up very much, so my bump is still in the same spot – maybe a bit higher some days than others.  It’s starting to round out more and look less fat-like, so I’m glad about that.  Next week I promise to have an updated belly shot picture.  I want to do something cool like my friend Liz over at Bon Temps Beignet. She has showcased her beautiful bump in a very artistic way.  Isn’t she adorable?!

Best moment of the week:  Hearing my sweet child singing Christmas music while decorating our Christmas tree.  She’s such an angel on earth, truly.

Food cravings: My appetite hasn’t been as strong, so I haven’t had many cravings other than just normal stuff like pizza and red sauce.  Which, thanks to Dominos, was satisfied!

Symptoms: I kind of over-did it this past Sunday when I spent the entire day cleaning my house and putting up the Christmas decorations.  By the end of the day, after walking around for hours, I had the pregnancy waddle down, and my hips/butt/legs felt like I weighed 2,000 lbs.  Even though I don’t pull out the pregnancy card often, I have to understand my limitations while I’m pregnant.  Hours of hard-core organizing and cleaning are just not possible right now since this baby likes to hang out so low.  The constant pressure really takes its toll after a while. 

Other than that, I can’t complain.  Little Joe has been a wonderful little guy so far (knocks on wood). 

Movement:  He’s a wiggler.  He’s super strong when he kicks/punches.  You can easily see all of his movement from the outside now – Joe even got a glimpse the other day.  He tends to move most when he hears my voice or Anna’s voice. 

What I’m looking forward to:  Christmas!

What I miss: There’s nothing I miss at the moment. 

Next appointment: January 5th (moved from January 3rd)

Week 12.

So, I’m nearing the end of the 1st trimester, and I’m truly ecstatic to have these weeks behind me.  While I’ve felt pretty fabulous this entire time, it’s always a little comforting when you have the first part behind you – just for peace of mind. 

Here’s where the baby is today:
—  My weight increased more than 75% just this week!
   
—  All my bones are getting hard.
   
—  My fingernails and toenails are coming in—just like the big kids.
   
—  The right and left sides of my brain are connecting with each other.
   
—  I now have my very own fingerprints.
   
—  When my upper eyelid is touched, my eyes roll downward.
— From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.



I spy baby crack.

I feel like I haven’t been to the Dr. in ages.  My next appointment is on October 4th, and it can’t come soon enough!  Hopefully I’ll be able to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler.  I’m pretty sure I’m far along enough (I’ll be 13 weeks at the time) for that to occur.  If not, maybe they’ll squeeze me in for an ultra-sound.  Nah, probably not.  If I had the money, I’d seriously buy a machine and just walk around with it all day.  As it is, I can peek in on Anna throughout the day while she’s at school (thanks to the webcam there).  I should be able to do the same with my unborn child, too, right? 

Too much?  Yeah, probably so.

Being the impatient person I am, I decided to waste money on the Intelligender test. I say waste because how accurate can a urine gender prediction test be, but it was accurate for my sister, so why not?  I’m at least 8 weeks away from finding out on an ultra-sound what I’m having – that’s pretty agonizing for a person who can’t even wait for a bag of popcorn to pop.

Anyway, after testing with FMU (first morning urine), I got this result…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…



Here’s what it would’ve looked like had it been a girl:


Yellow…just like pee.

According to the Intelligender site, the tests have an 87.6% accuracy rate if tested with FMU.  Of course the odds are pretty darn high seeing that it has a 50/50 shot of being right, so I guess we’ll see!

Needless to say, Joe was pretty darn ecstatic at the prospect of having a son. 

How I’m feeling:

I’m feeling pretty great.  I have very mild nausea, almost non-existent.  I’m not really that fatigued.  I mean, I go to bed at 8:30 or so, but I’ve always done that because that’s what boring people do. 

I’m still only up about 1 lb.  Maybe 2.  I haven’t weighed myself the past few days.  I’m not concerned because I know it will eventually start piling on, and then I’ll be like WTF is wrong with me? 

Still not much of a bump, but that’s to be expected considering I didn’t show ‘til about 24 weeks the last time.  Once I actually start showing, I will be posting weekly belly pics comparing last time to this time.  You’ll just have to excuse my white trash clothes in these photos as most of the time I’m wearing pajamas and have my head cut out so as to not scare the children.

My hormones are much more in check.  Joe thanks Baby Jesus for this.  I feel much more stable and generally happy and well adjusted now.  For a few weeks there, I was fully expecting my head to rotate 360 degrees. 

What’s scary:

My sister and I are exactly 3 weeks apart in our pregnancies.  She and I both had our first babies exactly 3 weeks early.  So, if I go to 40 weeks and she has her second child early, we could technically have babies born on the same day.  Our hospitals are 2 hours apart.  My mom can’t break herself into two people, so what will we do?!  I guess we’ll just worry about that when/if it happens.  Let’s just hope that I go at 37 weeks again and she goes to 40.  That way, there will be 6 full weeks between the babies, and I can be there while she’s delivering her baby and not still be drugged up on pain pills.

What’s also scary to me is that I had a really easy labor and delivery with Anna.  Textbook.  Will that happen again?  My concerns at this point are that the on-call OB who delivered Anna said it was a good thing she came early as she wouldn’t have fit through my pelvis if she’d gotten any bigger.  That’s a bit alarming.  Will my body know to kick into gear again or is it too old to realize what the hell it’s supposed to do?!  Again, I’ll just worry about that when it gets here. 

In other news:

The count down ‘til Anna’s 3rd birthday is on!  Just a little over 2.5 more weeks until my baby gets to blow out three candles on her cake.  I can’t believe I have a 3 year old!  And let me just state, for the record, that terrible twos are a joke.  A JOKE.  That’s kid stuff.  3 is when it gets real, yo.  Prepare yourself.  Call in an exorcist.  Say a few Hail Marys ‘cause you’ll need them.  The good thing is that in between all of the madness, 3 year olds are the most hilariously cute and sweet kids on the planet.  My child is no exception. 

Our fridge is on the fritz.  It’s only 8 years old.  We’ve already had it repaired once when the fan went out.  Now we think it’s a compressor.  So, we had to just bite the bullet and buy a new unit.  The bad news is that it’s somewhere in Asia right now and won’t be here for another three weeks.  Lowe’s (the place where we bought it) is kind enough to give us a brand new loaner fridge for the next three weeks.  Now my child won’t starve!

Frigidaire SUCKS.  I will never own another Frigidaire appliance again.

I get to leave for my annual St. Francisville girls’ trip in just a few days, and I can’t tell you how excited I am.  I always have such a wonderful time relaxing with the women in my family.  Hopefully some of them will be up for touring The Myrtles Plantation again.  We all know about my ghost obsession!

Grilled cheese.

This is what fell out of my car as I moved the seat back yesterday.  A grilled cheese.  A partially eaten grilled cheese that I was certain my child had eaten.  In addition to the grilled cheese, I found a sippy cup of spoiled milk, M&Ms that had been there for so long that they were no longer colored, partially eaten chicken nuggets, french fries, and pretty much every other disgusting thing on earth. 

All of it was in my car.

The car that I drive on a daily basis.

When did I allow myself to become so disgusting?  When did I throw in the towel and surrender to filth?  I used to make fun of people like me.  And now I could be the CEO and president of a filth club (I’m talking dirt people, minds out of the gutter).

I used to pride myself on cleanliness.  I spent every Friday afternoon detailing my car.  My closet, my room, my life was completely neat and orderly.  People always commented on my organizational skills.  I was a regular Martha Stewart.

Now I’m a regular Pig Pen.  That little air of filth follows me around everywhere I go, and her name is Anna Kate.  Anna Kate is the reason I have grilled cheese sandwiches falling out of my car.  Anna Kate is the reason that there are M&Ms growing fur in my car.  Anna Kate is why my carpets are so stained that I no longer know what color they really are.  Anna Kate is why I fall down on a daily basis because I tripped over some toy, shoe, doll, book, movie, article of clothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my child and know that all of this goes with the territory.  I don’t restrict her in my house, she can free play and enjoy herself.  I wouldn’t have it any other way, but I need to know how to find a good balance here. 

No room has been left untouched in my house.  Anna is an equal opportunity messer upper.  She loves to empty the contents of her room and spread them all around my house on a daily basis.  I pick up two pairs of shoes, she brings out three more pairs.  I pick up a book, 10 more books magically make their way out of her room.

This was all fine and dandy until she started using my car as a scientific petri dish of disgustingness.  Did you know that French fries don’t really deteriorate?  They just sit. 

I used to stay on top of keeping things clean, but I’ve somehow let the mess get out of control, and now I don’t know how to keep up.  It’s rather frustrating when you spend hours cleaning only to find your house in the exact same condition a few hours later.  Moms, how do you cope?  How do you keep up?  I can certainly tell you that a clean house and car does wonders for my emotional well-being.  Just imagine my angst to see a grilled cheese fall out of my car. 

HALP!

Keeping it real.

I used to be a neat freak, I will admit.  I loved to come home to a clean house and just relax.  I would waste my weekend cleaning and organizing.  Then one day, I said, to hell with it all.  I mean, I keep my house somewhat presentable, but I don’t fuss over it much anymore because I know it’s an exercise in futility.  With an active toddler, a messy husband and pets, it’s nearly impossible to keep your house clean on a daily basis.  At this point, I’m just happy when I’m not stepping on squashed grapes.

So, to make everyone feel better about their own lives, I’m posting pictures of my living room and what it looks like most days.  If you can relate, send me some pics of your own mess, and I’ll do a follow-up post about what a real mom house looks like. 

Believe it or not, this is actually on a good day.

 

This is what it used to look like.  :cries:

Chimney sweeper.

This is why I don’t have white furniture in my house. 

Anna decided to test out her chimney sweeping skills that day and play in the old soot in our fireplace. 

Mommy, hold my hand.

I’ll just lick it off.  No biggie.

This is what Anna looks like when she says, “EWWWW.”

Also, does anyone recognize this “shirt”? 

We like to re-purpose things in my house.  All of Anna’s old dresses are now her shirts.  I love being a cheap bastard! 

Cinderella.

I’m a wicked mother.  I make my child earn her keep by scrubbing toilets and taking out the trash. 

I’m also going to make her paint the bathroom walls.  If you look closely, you can see her handprints right behind where she’s standing. 
She loves helping me clean, and when I mean “helping” I mean throwing all of the cleaning supplies on the floor and running around the house with my paper towels.  That’s ok, though, ‘cause I wouldn’t want it any other way!   

The Office.

I’ve often said that my child came out with a briefcase and a Blackberry in her hand.  She has an obsession with laptops, cell phones, pens, paper and basically anything else that can be used to run an office or work in an office.  When we go to Best Buy, she salivates over the Mac computer displays.  Then again, so does my husband.  I guess she gets her “all things techie” obsession from her parents.  Let’s hope she didn’t inherit my inability to do basic third grade math.  I’m already worried about future math homework. 

Anyway, one of the biggest problems I have with my little child is that she likes to climb on my office chair and mess up my laptop settings while I’m doing something in another room.  When I come back in the office, my laptop screen is turned upside down, and my mouse is nowhere to be found.  That’s because she klepto’d it and moved it to an undisclosed location that I eventually locate hours later.  You can imagine my frustration. 

So, to appease Anna’s inner-techie-beast, I finally had a lightbulb moment.  Many years ago when I graduated from college, my dear parents bought me a laptop.  As with any computer, it eventually became obsolete, so I put it in the attic with the rest of the stuff I can’t part with yet.  My bright idea was to get the laptop for Anna – maybe then she would stop trying to destroy mine!  A-HA! 

I plugged it in.  Heck yes, it still works!  Anna’s eyes lit up.  She started clapping.  The old yet familiar start-up music chimed, and my old wallpaper – The Trady Bunch (all of the designers on Trading Spaces arranged like the Brady Bunch grid) – quickly popped up on the screen.  Groovy! 

It all started out great. Anna was happy. I was happy. Life was good. Then, she closed the screen. Hell ensued. This is a photo stream of how it went down.

Yay!  My very own laptop.  I’m a spoiled little girl!

Now I can type like mom!  (Goodness, that child’s hair – well, there are no words.)

Go away, mom, I am busy. 

Hmm, I wonder what will happen if I put this down. 

Um, mom, it’s no longer making noises and showing pretty pictures.  

HELLO!  Can you help me here?!

I’m really about to lose it, mom. 

I warned you!

How cool of a mom am I that I actually let it reach that point?  Pretty pathetic, right?  Oh well, it makes for a good photo.  I’ll have you know that I opened the laptop for her after this picture, and all was well in Anna land.  At least for 1.2 seconds until she closed the laptop again.  Then I got a genius idea on how to keep this from happening again. 

TAPE!  Yes, this is how trashy, poor people like myself fix things – we just tape ‘em. 

So, now Anna and I can spend more quality time together on our laptops.  Ain’t life grand?

Oh, P.S. -
If you happened to notice that my office looks like a tornado hit it, take a look at this photo:
Anna also likes shredders and shredded paper.  She doesn’t like cleaning it up, though – she leaves that task to me.  Joy.

Sneaux day.

Louisiana is the armpit of the sun.  It’s hot, it’s humid, it’s miserable here in the summer.  You walk from your car to your house and melt in a puddle on the cement.  There’s no hope for your hair.  With the humidity, my hair looks like Don King’s hair puked on it.

So, it’s quite alarming and a tad bit exciting when it snows, er sneauxs, here.  Everything shuts down like it’s the end of the world.  People stock up on bread, milk and cheese.  Schools close, kids make mini-snowmen out of the 1” of snow that manages to stick on the ground.  It’s glorious!  It’s already snowed twice this winter season, and it also snowed last December (2008) – just a few weeks shy of Christmas.  I believe it’s because my child was born.  She’s graced Louisiana with white winters.  You can donate to her college fund as a thank you for all that she’s done for this state. 

Here's Anna's first white Christmas – 12/11/2008.

This was actually a very beautiful snowfall.  It reminded me of the “blizzards” we used to have up north.  The snow stayed on the ground for almost a week. 

Here she is outside.  In the snow.  On a very cold day.  CPS, anyone?  

Brrrr!

Even Cosmo got in on the action!


So, here's this year's sneaux pictures!

Kinda pitiful in comparison, right?  Oh well, everything still shut down.  Snow day!  Woot!

Here’s my little girl looking at the snowflakes.  The last time it snowed, she was in an infant carrier seat and a bouncy.  Now she’s standing and walking and running.  My, how time flies!  (I just noticed she had my TV remote in her hand.  I haven’t seen it since that day.  Blargh!)

So, I want to thank God for deeming Louisiana fit to take part in the white washing that normal states get. We enjoyed it, even if it lasted for 5.5 seconds and melted right away. At least I have pictures to prove that it did sneaux in the dirty dirty south.

Why, cat, why?

I love animals, I really do; however, I am quickly falling out of love with my animals.  Yes, they're cute and cuddly and warm and fuzzy, and sometimes they make me laugh or say "aww," but more often than not, I'm looking at them with malice and contempt in my eyes.  They have turned my clean house into an episode of Clean House, and I'm very bitter and disgusted, to say the least. 

The majority of floor space in my house is either hardwood or tile.  The only carpeting in our house is in the bedrooms or the random small rugs that I've placed near entrances to our home.  Basically, we've got a 70/30 ratio of hard flooring to carpet, understand?  So, will someone please explain to me why my cat Chloe, the bane of my existence, alwasy feels the need to puke up her orange cat food in the carpeted areas, just inches away from the hardwood?

Here's a visual:

Cat food companies must be on a mission to add as much dye to their food as possible.  That way, whenever an animal pukes it back up (as cats often do), it will surely permanently stain the carpet.  My mom said she wants to invent clear cat food.  I think she's on to something here, I really do.  I would buy stock in clear cat food. 

Before you get all PETA on me, trust me, animal lovers, there's nothing medically wrong with Chloe.  She's been to the vet, and we've tried multiple foods - she pukes them all up.  I think she has a kitty eating disorder.  I've watched her gorge on food like Adam Richman on Man v. Food.  She actually purrs while she eats.  Then, like clockwork, up it comes only minutes later.  If she would just eat small bites like a normal cat, she'd be fine.  There's really nothing I can do, folks.  Except follow behind her with a bottle of Resolve and a garbage bag. 

Welcome to my glamorous life.  We flyin' first class up in the sky. 

Come out of the closet.

Ok, it’s not really a closet, but I had to think of a witty title, and that’s all I could come up with. So, sue me. It’s the holidays, and the few creative brain cells I have left have been overtaken by tryptophan and green bean casserole.

My child has discovered a new, fun play area. She's as bad as my cat Chloe when it comes to hiding out in spots that scare the crap out of you when you find her. I’m just really glad she picked a clean cabinet otherwise you’d never see this photo. If she’d chosen, say, our pantry, this blog would’ve never been written. I can’t even find crap in our pantry – she’d be lost forever.