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Friday, May 29, 2009

Who's sexy?

this guy.

Not only is he a convicted murderer, but you can also use his hair to store your valuables.

Lord of the flies.

So, I'm scared of butterflies.

Edit: I'm scared of all winged bugs that can fly and become entangled in my afro-licious hair.

However, I won't kill a winged bug. I feel a kinship with them, a mutual respect. They don't bug me, I don't bug them. Living with this philosophy has enabled me to co-exist peacefully with the bees, butterflies and other winged creatures. Not once have I been stung - I'm knocking on wood right now - not once have I had a bug fly in my face, up my mouth, up my nose or any other orifice of my body. You get it. Mutual Respect.

In bug world, there must be a memo floating around notifying all winged creatures to leave me alone. "Hey, that girl with the curly hair - you know, the hair we normally like to fly into and get knotted in - well, she's decent, she won't squash us or swat at us or kill us with an old newspaper. Leave her alone."

However, one bug must've missed that memo. And that bug is a dragonfly. This dragon fly, who I've appropriately named Kujo, decided that its mission in life was to taunt and tease me, to keep me locked in my car, to stare at me with its big, bug-like eyes.

I wanted Taco Bell really badly. How could I open my window to order when Kujo was perched there?

This picture was taken with my cell phone. This is the driver-side window. As you can see, Kujo wasn't playing fair.

I know, I know. I should've just driven off. Kujo would've blown off with the wind, and I would've been able to eat my Nachos Bell Grande in peace. I couldn't do it. As soon as my car started to speed up, Kujo's wings started to sway and whip in the wind. How tragic!

So, I did the next best thing. I was brave. I got out of my car. More like ran out of my car. (Keep in mind Anna is asleep in her car seat this whole time.) I took a pen and touched Kujo's butt hoping this would make him fly away.

It worked.

'Cept he flew into my car.

His huge, heaving body made a loud sound when it landed. Enough to give me 7 layers of chills. Enough to make me heave in repulsion.

Ok, now what do I do?

I saw my innocent child in the backseat. I had to be brave for her.

I got inside my car, very close to Kujo. I touched his butt with a pen again. He flew. Towards me.

I fell backwards.

People started to gather around. Ok, one man, but still.

Kujo lands on the inside panel of my car door. I could've easily shut the door and ended his life at that point, but what would that prove?

The one on-looker started making his way to my car. He asked me if there was a bee.

"No," I said, "a dragon fly. His name is Kujo."

(I didn't really tell him the bug's name. )

However, the man looked at me like I just took a hit off a crackpipe.

"I've got it under control, sir."

Did I?

Yes! I did. Kujo decided to leave me alone at that point. He flew away, but not before leaving me a present of poop. Yes, dragon flies poop. I didn't take a picture of it - I'm not that gross.

My child was still sleeping after all of this. A lot of help she was, huh?

On to Taco Bell.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I've fallen in love with anotha.

Move over Joe. I have a new love.

He's a pimp who likes to walk around with large wads of small bills. He wears baseball caps with red pigs. What's not to love?

Oh, and his name is Mr. Porkchop.

Thanks to my friend Marcia for finding my perfect match.

How do you roll?

How do you setup your toilet paper?

With the end in front:

Or the end in back:

Humor me here.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Jon & Kate - don't hate.

Unless you've been living under a rock, it's hard to even breathe now-a-days without being bombarded by Jon & Kate hate. Listen, I'm not a fan - never really was. I think the show is annoying. I think Kate is one gene shy of a piranha. Jon is one gene shy of the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. Maddie is. Well, Maddie is a child, so I'll leave it at that.

Anywho, you get my point, right?

However, with all that said, I still think it's a pile of crap that Kate's own brother, her own flesh and blood, would stab her in the back and tell all of her dirty secrets on live television. Where's the love here? Where's the support? I thought blood was thicker than water? I've never understood that expression, but I wanted to use it in this blog for added effect.

If you're wondering from where this is coming, check out this video of Kate's dear brother and sister-in-law opening Kate's closet for the whole world.

Check it out!

The bleeding heart side of me feels a little sorry for J&K even though I think they're both pretty reprehensible. Thoughts?

A cool giveaway!

Ok, moms, how much do we love personalized/monogrammed stuff four our kids?

<----------- THIS MUCH ------------->

So, head on over to Ballpoint Designs for the 75th post give away! Here are just a few of the cute items that you could win.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

She speaks.

Anna decided to speak. Not only did she speak, but she said the most glorious word that an infant can say. She said, "mama." At first I thought my ears deceived me. How could she be saying mama? She doesn't even really babble. However, after the third or fourth time, I finally allowed myself to believe that my precious little girl is finally speaking. How awesome is it that she chose "mama" as her first word when there are so many additional cool words out there like kitteh, puppeh, ambidextrous and douchebaguette.

So, just so you won't think I'm lying, I have videographic proof of this miracle - she says it closer to the end of the video if you are impatient and want to fast forward. Enjoy.

(Oh, and please disregard my embarrassing narration in the video. I wish I could edit that out.)

Things I hate.

  1. While Driving: When you let people in front of you and they don't acknowledge your act of kindness with a wave or head nod. At that point, I wish my life was a Tivo and I could rewind and delete that moment.
  2. Lettuce that is brown.
  3. The guy who does the Sham-WOW commercials.
  4. The bearded guy who does every other infomercial on TV.
  5. People who make fun of me for owning a Snuggie.
  6. Plastic surgery face (i.e. Joan Rivers)
  7. The hard pieces of gristle in meat.
  8. When people say "like" and "you know" after every word in a sentence.
  9. People who buy/adopt pets and then get rid of them when they become an inconvenience.
  10. People who bathe in perfume and cologne. I have a headache just thinking about it.
  11. Kelly Killoren Bensimon
  12. When men comb over their hair to cover up bald spots. Who do they think they're fooling?
  13. Even worse - when men wear toupees. Just go bald gracefully, please.
  14. Bad breath.
  15. Inconsiderate cigarette smokers. Please don't light up next to me.
  16. Men who are cocky.
  17. Men who aren't Topher Grace.
  18. Pit stains.
  19. Camel humps.
  20. Salmon.

What do you hate? Get it all off your chest.

By the way, I'm not all doom and gloom - I will write a "Things I love" post soon!

Monday, May 25, 2009

7 months, 2 weeks, 1 day

Anna told me to post these pictures of her.  She likes to be adored by the masses – helps her ego and all. 





Good day.  I said good day! (5 wooden nickels to whomever can guess from where that saying comes.)

Friday, May 22, 2009

Right Said Fred.

My child is in love.

With herself.

I have proof.

1 test1 3 4 5 She is also whispering sweet nothings to herself in this picture.


She was spent after this.  Admiring yourself for long periods of time is exhausting.  Just ask Kelly Killoren Bensimon.

Oh, and a little sidenote – Anna does own more than one outfit, I promise.  This is her favorite onesie, and since she’s feeling a little under the weather, I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.  So, please don’t feel sorry for us and send us any new clothes unless you insist.  Anna is in 6 – 9 months.  TYVM.  (Just kiddin’) ;)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

My concession.

Fellow Readers and Friends,

I was wrong.

Miss Cleo is a liar.

So, can I just tell you how ecstatic I am that Kris Allen won?! Out of all of the seasons I've been watching, I can't think of another contestant who is more deserving of this win than Kris. When the season first started, I didn't even like the guy. I was hoping he'd get kicked off early on to save a spot for my other early favorites like Anoop and Danny. Little did I know that I would eventually grow to like him the best. Why?

This is why:

And this:

The entire show last night was phenomenal. I watched it from beginning to end which is no small feat considering I have ADD and a lead finger that tends to fast-forward through most of the "fluff" in these finales. Even Joe admitted that he enjoyed the show and said it was a great finale.

Thoughts? Were you happy Kris won? Mad that Adam lost? Sad that Idol is over? Couldn't care less about any of it?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wouldn't it be funny...

...if Adam Lambert actually lost American Idol?!

Maybe it's the fact that I really don't want him to win, but there was a little smugness there last night that makes me think he thinks he has this in the bag.

Kris for the win! I was able to vote for him only 3 times last night, and I called for over an hour. That's a good sign, right?

Did you vote? If not, leave. I want nothing to do with you.

(Just kiddin')

Thoughts? Predictions?

Edited to add: I checked out Dial Idol and it looks like Kris just might win this thing! YAY!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mom of the year.

Mom of the year: Reason #1

Since I've deemed myself the over-reaction queen, it's quite contradictory that I'm extremely chill as a parent. I let lots of people hold Anna and have done so since she was just a few minutes old. I embrace this germy earth and allow her to play with other kid's toys and chew on my cell phone because I actually want her to have exposure to germs to build up her immune system. I don't feed her organic foods, I don't roll her around in a plastic bubble to protect her from every coffee table corner, I let my dog lick her face - which she loves, by the way. You get it, I'm chill.

The problem is that methinks I'm a bit too chill.

Now don't get me wrong, Anna's safety is my #1 priority in life, so don't go callin' CPS on me or anything like that, but sometimes I have those stupid mom moments where I look back and ask myself, "Self, what the hell were you thinking?!"

Case in point.

I was running late this morning. That's nothing new. Mondays and Tuesdays are quite hectic now that I have to take Anna to daycare. Cosmo was outside doing his business and decided at a very busy point in my morning that he was ready to come back inside. Instead of patiently waiting by the door like most good dogs, he incessantly barks and jumps UP the door. A barking dog at 7 a.m. does not a good neighbor make, so I knew I needed to get him.

I had Anna on my hip and a temporary moment of ignorance. Why not place her on the bed propped up on a pillow? Sure, her pack-n-play is right next to my bed, and it's completely safe, but it makes much more sense to sit her on an uneven surface with no protection to keep her from falling.

So, that's what I did.

You can guess what happened next.

I ran to get Cosmo. It took me maybe 15 seconds max.

By the time I get back into my bedroom, I glance at the bed. No Anna.

I glance at the floor. Anna.

Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.

Holy crap.

You get the point.

I let go of Cosmo, he ran into the laundry room to dine on cat crap from the litterbox (oh the joys of dog ownership).

I ran to scoop up my little baby. I examined every square inch of her body 15 times to ensure that there were no breaks, welts, scratches or cuts. She was fine, but mom wasn't. I just sat there and mentally scolded myself for about 10 minutes. What was I thinking? She's more mobile now, I know that.

She cried for 1.2 seconds and then she was her typical happy self. All was well in Anna land.

Or so I thought.

Mom of the year: Reason #2

Ever since starting daycare, Anna has had a cold. She's snotty, she's congested, she's icky icky poo poo. (<--- I heard a 5 year old say that once and decided I wanted to use it in this blog.)

I've been giving her saline drops and sucking her nose out with those bulb thingys. Seemed to do the trick. However, the night I used a humidifier in our room, all hell broke loose. Bastard humidifier.

Soon after that she started couging like she'd been smoking 10 packs of Camels for 70 years. It was nasty. It made MY chest hurt. So, I called her pediatrician and made an appointment for today. Once I get there the Dr. checks her out and says her lungs are clear. Score. They ARE? Then she takes out the ear thingy. God, I'm so up on medical terminology, aren't I? Shudder - Anna has an ear infection in BOTH ears, and it's not just any ear infection, it's a "very bad" ear infection (per her Dr.).

Great, lovely, mom of the year.

How could I not know that my own child had a massive ear infection?

Know how I didn't know? It's b/c she's seriously the most chillaxed baby on the planet. She's always happy, hardly ever fusses - she's an absolute dream. Maybe she didn't want to complain. Maybe she did and I just chalked it up to 1) teething 2) gas 3) tiredness 4) gas 5) gas.

So, two expensive antibiotics later, here I sit typing this blog while my child is in bed trying to fight this crap off. I need some mommy points now, something to redeem my Mom of the Year status. Perhaps I should come up with a new Girl Scout cookie flavor or try to raise $10k for Johnny's little league team. Not that I know any kids named Johnny.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

A few of my favorite things...

If you haven't heard of Etsy, you're missing out! If you're looking for, well, anything at all, Etsy is the place to go! You can find lots of handmade goodies that are unique and perfect for gifts or even for yourself.

Below are a few of my favorite Etsy stores. Please check 'em out and give some support. Many of these sellers are moms who are looking to earn some extra dough. Who couldn't use some extra money in this economy?

teedle designs. teedle me this. teedle me that.

Store description: What I sell - a mix of of a little of this and a little of that. Although I cater to baby/kid items and I have been making a lot of quilts, too.

Mada's Place

Store description: Work at home mom who looks for ways to make every day items fresh, functional, and fun. Some items are eco-friendly, and some are just plain cute.

Peachy Keen Designs

Store Description: I offer affordable, fashionable, and functional items for babies, pets, and everything in between!


Store description: Craft items that help me keep my sanity! Anything from fine art prints to appliquéd towels and pillows. I'm hoping to expand the fabric appliqués to children's clothing soon!

Etsy Store Coming soon:

I just ordered a precious dress for my daughter from this future Etsy seller. She will be setting up shop soon, but she will take orders via e-mail now. She makes precious sack dresses with matching bloomers. You can e-mail her to place an order!

Here's the dress she made for my daughter:

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Video killed the radio star.

Check out some videos of Anna Banana.

Anna has learned to shake her head no. She does this constantly.

Anna's first experience with a sippy cup. She did great!

So I creep yeah. Just keep it on the downlow.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Calling all Etsy sellers!

I have a small addiction to Etsy. I've purchased many wonderful items for Anna from some great Etsy sellers. Many of my close friends are getting into the Etsy business and are needing some additional exposure. I know it's difficult to get your products noticed since there are so many handmade items available there.

So, if you have an Etsy store and would like to get your name out there, please send me an e-mail. I plan on rolling out an "Ode to Esty" post in my blog over the next few days and would be more than happy to include your store. My site traffic is picking up a bit, so hopefully I can send some sales your way - no strings attached! :)

Here's what I'll need from you:

  1. Etsy Store Name
  2. Your logo (if you have one)
  3. A brief description of what you sell

All Etsy sellers are welcome - not just sellers who make items for babies.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Why dontcha take a photo? It’ll last longer!

Since I’m a fantastic mother who always gives 110% (::wink::), I’ve been taking monthly photos of Anna to document her growth.  I edit most of the photos that I put out to all of you peeps and save the little FAIL gems all for myself.  Tonight’s photo session was incredibly FAIL worthy and too funny to keep all to myself.  So, without further a-do (is that how you spell it?), here is a display of Anna’s anti-photo rebellion from start to finish.






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Mother’s Day Photos

Of course I can’t forget my Mother’s Day photos!





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