Mailbox.

Yes, we've been hit - hit by a mailbox smasher. You know the type - the pubescent, zit-faced loser kids who think it's funny to go around denting up and ripping off people's mailboxes. It's an epidemic in our area. Countless mailboxes have been beaten to a bloody pulp with no hope for survival. No matter how beefy the box, it's no match for a baseball bat (or whatever object of destruction is popular these days with the kiddies).

It started about a mile down the highway from our house. Since many of the residents on the highway have mailboxes across the street from their homes in tight sections of 10 or more boxes, it's an easy 1. 2. 3. punch for the little bastards. I'm sure they can take out 10 or more boxes with one quick whip of the bat. After the first batch of boxes were taken out, a new batch of brand new boxes appeared the next day. A day later, the new boxes were gone, too. It's disgusting!

We figured that since we live in a neighborhood off of the main highway, we were immune to this stupid prank. No such luck, amigos. Joe calls me at work this morning to tell me that our neighborhood has fallen pray to the zit tards aka the mailbox smashers. What's even more astounding to me is that Joe and I were outside this morning for at least 15 minutes, and we didn't notice that our mailbox had been knocked down. How observant are we? Obviously not very!

So, a few of our other neighbors were also the target of the tards, and now everyone is up in a tizzy (rightfully so). I think it's such a terrible crime to deface someone else's property, and these little asswads should feel very relieved that I didn't create the laws in our area.

NATALIE'S LAW
Crime: Mailbox smashing
Punishment: Death

OK, maybe not so severe (well, maybe). Anyhoo, Joe is already trying to fix the mailbox as best as he can. I guess we'll just have to be more vigilant with these bastards and hopefully one of us will be able to catch them. I would personally dance a jig of glee if they were caught, and that's saying a lot because 1) I can't dance and 2) I'm not sure what a jig is. Nevermind, I looked it up - it's a hop or a skip - I can hop and skip. No problem!

Oh, and wouldn't you assume that a metal baseball bat (or whatever instrument they used) hitting a metal mailbox at brute force would create a noise loud enough to at least wake up the dog? Nope, not our dog. Joe and I are both deep sleepers, but our dog is such a light sleeper that he will bark when someone walks down the street in front of our house. How did he not hear that? Was he high? Drunk?