Dead Zones.

I do what I can to stay sharp mentally - I always keep up with the latest celebrity news and gossip, I watch tons of informative TV shows like Cops and Reno 911, I spend countless hours playing computer Solitaire and Free Cell, you know, all the stuff that keeps our brains in tip-top shape. ;) However, as I age, I've noticed something that's somewhat alarming...

...my "dead zones" are starting to occur more frequently.

What are dead zones, you may ask?

Come along, and I'll explain.

Have you ever been approached by an old high school chum, you know, your best bud with whom you shared many happy memories? As you two catch up on the good ol' days, you sit back and try to jog your memory to keep up with the stories your friend is spewing out. There's one problem, though - half of the stories you're hearing about mustn't have involved you because surely you'd remember them, right? Your friend swears up and down that you were there, you did play an active role in the situation, and that s/he can't believe you don't remember - how dare you!

This, my friend, is a dead zone.

Legal definition of dead zone: periods of time that your brain has mis-filed into some arbitrary filing cabinet that's buried and stored away from the rest of the useless data that our brain retains. Some dead zone cabinets contain small file folders of data, mine contains at least 2 tons of data (perhaps more).

Dead zones aren't always about stories from our past. Dead zones can also include the following:

1) Forgetting how to spell simple words like cat or dog
2) Forgetting when your own birthday is and how old you really are (although sometimes this is intentional)
3) Forgetting how to form a complete
4) Sentence
5) Forgetting the name of your first born, or, on a lesser scale, your husband.

The list goes on and on; however, I'm experiencing a dead zone right now and can't remember what else should be on the list.

In all seriousness, I have noticed a pretty serious decline in my mental capacity. I read papers that I wrote while I was in college, and I'm truly amazed that I was able to articulate my thoughts onto paper so well (sorry if that sounds like I'm bragging). Now I find that I have a hard time writing a complete sentence much less a 20 page paper on King Lear.

My fear is that this decline will keep happening and I won't be able to tie my shoes by the time I'm 40. What if that happens? What if Joe won't tie my shoes for me? I guess I'll have to purchase velcro shoes like I had when I was in the first grade. They were very sexy shoes - gray velvet with pink velcro straps.

Please tell me how I can remember that useless bit of information but I can't remember my senior prom?

Oy vey!