Happy Birthday, Mr. President.

So, I’ve decided to be Marilyn Monroe for Halloween. Believe it or not, it was the least slutty costume I could find down the numerous costume aisles at our local Halloween store. I guess I didn’t realize that Frederick’s of Hollywood had taken ownership of Halloween. The problem with this is that about 90% of the population, myself included, shouldn’t be wearing anything that remotely resembles Frederick’s of Hollywood garb.

So, Marilyn it is.

Houston, we have a problem.

Here’s the costume:

Here's a representation of my northern region:

You didn’t really think I was going to show you my northern region, did you? For the less swift, this implies that I am flat as board. Got it? Ok.

So, perhaps I should've stopped by the local Winn-Dixie and loaded up on 2-ply toilet paper. Perhaps 3-ply. Heck, who am I kidding - do they make 10-ply? I’ve never stuffed before, but I just may have to make an exception so I can fill this dress properly. I don’t have the time, or money, to surgically enhance that area before Halloween night, so I’ll improvise. Let’s just hope that I don’t get my groove on too much at the Halloween party I’ll be attending. I’d hate to bounce out my stuffing and have to dodge toilet paper balls on the floor. How would I explain that to the President?

For the record, my husband is boring. He refuses to wear a matchy-matchy Halloween costume with me. I wanted to go as that sexy red-headed chick from Scooby Doo, but he refused to be Shaggy. I wanted to be a sexy (not too slutty) girl pirate, he refused to be a boy pirate. I wanted to be the outlet, he refused to be the plug. Yadda, yadda, yadda. What's a girl to do? So, after wasting $50 on a costume I'll never wear again, we're going to have to drop another chunk on his costume. We do have a mullet wig he could wear. He could always go as Joe Dirt or Billy Ray Cyrus – his choice. Nah, he’d blend in too much with the town folk.

So, I hope all of you have a wonderful AND SAFE Halloween! Have a great time with your kiddos (if you have 'em), and be sure to come back and tell me how it went! I'm looking forward to Trick or Treating with Anna, but I promise I won't be dressed as Marilyn. I will be dressed as mom.

A dose of randomness.

So, how’ve you all been? No, really – how’ve you been? I want details. What are your plans for Halloween? Are you dressing up as a plug and outlet with your husband or something a little less, I don’t know, perverted. What about the kiddos? Are they going as a can of SPAM, a monkey? Do tell.

How have I been? Well, I’ve been great. Truthfully. It’s my favorite time of year. It’s cooler outside – well, not as disgustingly hot – the leaves are turning – well, one leaf has turned, but that’s probably b/c it was dying anyway, there are pumpkins on people’s porches, Christmas and Thanksgiving are right around the corner. What a fun time of year! My favorite time of year. I finally, ahem, decorated for fall last week. I don’t feel like posting any pictures, though, so just picture it in your head. It’s gorgeous. Martha Stewart would be jealous. Believe that, ok?

As promised, I'm posting some pictures of my dear child's first birthday party. Since I'm not a queen and my husband, last time I checked, isn't a king, we threw out the princess theme and went with monkeys instead. Why not? My child smells like a monkey. She eats like a monkey. She climbs all over the place like a monkey. What better tribute to my little monkey than a party full of monkeys? It was bananas.

Here she is playing in the foam pit. My mom was sure she’d contract MRSA or Piggy Flu from the germs in the pit. A kid is only a kid once, right? I sprayed her down with Scrubbing Bubbles Anti-bacterial foam spray when we got home. Hopefully that took care of it. (Totally kidding about the scrubbing bubbles for those people with no sense of humor.)

Here’s Anna’s BFF Kadence with her dad Luis. Look at that hair! She has more hair than me. And Don King.

Here she is chewing on my camera, which, by the way, no longer works. Coincidence? Methinks so. I will take it out of her allowance once she starts cleaning our toilets and such.

The obligatory tongue picture. Oh, and she also refuses to look at the camera now. I guess our monthly photo fail sessions ruined her for good. Notice the bruise below her right eye? She did a nice face plant a few days before her party.

Future blackmail photo.

Here’s Anna shoving Kadence further into the foam abyss. Thankfully K’s dad was there to save the day!

Dad is sweating while Anna looks on and laughs.

Anna got a huge hit out of the air blowing from the vent. I’ve never seen her laugh so hard. Dad thought it was funny, too.

Do you see the resemblance?

Time to jump on the trampoline!

Time for cake. Notice how she’s sitting in the chair like a big girl? I’m also sitting in my chair like a big girl.

I ordered a REALLY cute hat for her, but it’s not very easy tying string around a wiggly toddler’s face.

Anna was a bit unsure about her cake. That surprised me since child eats everything. Everything!

I think we enjoyed the cake more than her. I may have eaten the rest of it that night. Don’t tell her that.

Anna wanted dad to get involved, too. He was a good sport!

That’s as messy as she got. Humph.

Thanks for helping me clean up, Aunt Lea Lee. And thanks for standing there watching us, Mimi. LOLs

Us opening up the gifts. Whoa.

See what I mean?!

All in all it was a wonderful day. We got to spend quality time with family and friends and celebrate our child's first year on this earth - what more could you ask for?

Seriously, though, enough about me - how about you? Talk to me about your Halloween plans. Comments are like my virtual crack. I need a hit as things have been very slow around these parts lately, ya dig?

Night at the museum.

On October 4, we hit up the Louisiana Children’s Museum for Anna’s BFF Kadence’s birthday party.  Yes, I realize the party was almost a month ago, but I am lazy, so I’m just getting around to posting about it.  I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath until my next post entry, so now you can breathe and move on with your life.

Let's begin.
 

Anna and Kadence, the precious birthday girl, decide to try out a motorcycle.  Granted, there is no motor, but Anna doesn’t have to know that.  She enjoys riding a hog every now and then – who am I to tell her that this “hog” is made by Fisher Price?

See, here’s further proof that my child is a Harley girl (even though she’s still not sitting on a Harley, whatev).  This photo was taken a while back on my husband’s cell phone – excuse the crappy quality.

I digress.

I’m going to push you on this motorcycle, yo.

Now I will push you, yo.

Nah, let’s push it together.  

Another stellar shot from daddy.

Down the slide I go straight into my silly daddy’s arms!

Time to steal toys from my boyfriend Parker.  

Let’s go shopping at Winn-Dixie.  Mommy just LOVES to go grocery shopping (dripping with sarcasm).

That giant ham just owns me! Anna threw the bag of cat food in the basket.  Animal lover much? I threw the chicken in there.  Maybe she’ll make us some chicken parm. 

I wonder how many sick children have been licking this avocado?  I’m guessing 126. Same goes for the onion.  Oh well, germs are good for you sometimes, right?

Now it's time to be a spider monkey!

Come on, Parker, let’s race!   Where are my pants? 

Another great shot by daddy.

Mommy, are you pointing to my nekkid legs?  Where are my pants?!  Time to get outta here!

Gourds a plenty.

So, my absolute favorite time of the year is now. Yes, fall. It’s glorious. It’s orange. It’s leafy and vibrant. Plus, it’s the beginning of all things cool – Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the all important Guy Fawkes Night. How many of us look forward to this night all year long? I know I do.

In Celebration of the season, the husband and I took Anna to her first pumpkin patch. Last year she was a little wee one, and mom was not feeling up to a trek in the pumpkin patch. This year it was ON. Pumpkin time. The best time! Below are a few pics from our fun day! Enjoy.

Here is Anna on the way to the pumpkin patch. She’s holding her “cell phone” since she’s nearly broken mine 2,000 times.

Here’s one part of the pumpkin patch. Notice that horse – he stood stiff like that all day long. I was impressed.

Anna was not too fond of this hat. It stayed on for 1.2 seconds.

I love the fall even though it was about 100 degrees that day!

Doesn’t Anna look thrilled?

Here I am cheesing it up. Anna is unsure.

Here’s Anna taking her hat off again.

On again.

Off again.

In the pumpkins. Notice the hat is off. I guess we know who won this battle.

Where’s Anna?

Anna likes the filthy pumpkins best.

Yo, mom, what’s that?

Here I am trying to teach Anna to be gentle with the animals.

And here she is hitting the baby donkey. We still have some work to do on this.

The donkey decided to move at that point. Wise choice.

Some big jumpy thing.

Of course I had to try it out. Oh, it was like being on a gas grill on the 4th of July. That lasted all of 2 seconds before I melted into a puddle.

Anna found a pumpkin she liked.

Daddy found a pretty pumpkin, too. One that was less infested with fleas and ticks.

Look at the fleas and ticks, Anna.

Let me see, dad.

Ok, I like your pumpkin better then.

Ok, I’m pooped. Time to go!