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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Jersey is delicious.

I'll admit that I'm not very well traveled.  Considering my extreme fear of airplanes (aka fiery tubes of death), I don't travel very far.  I will, however, be facing my fear come September, but that's another post for another day.  Stay tuned.

So, only crossing the state lines of a few northern and mid-western states and the majority of the southern states, I've never had the opportunity of witnessing the glorious beauty of New Jersey first hand.  When I say beauty, I mean the hilarious train-wreck of Jerseylicious/Shore/Housewives/Couture.  I actually scour my Tivo box looking for all shows with the keyword Jersey.  Why, you ask?  Because all Jersey shows are incredible.  It's like being transported to another planet - a planet of orange, oompa-loompa-like guidos and giudettes with Snookie-high hair, gold hoops the size of cantaloupes, fist pumping at da club, pasta and gravy, muscles and boobs, hooker shoes and horrible accents.  What's not to love? 

I've made a mental note of the thoughts I have while watching all of these trash-tastic Jersey shows.

Wow, people like this really exist?
Yo, 1992 called, they want you to retire their style now.
It's actually possible to be that orange?  Wait, people think that's attractive?
I wonder how often these girls are propositioned as street walkers.
"Yo, woman, get me some pasta" is not exactly a term of endearment.
Is fist pumping the Roger Rabbit of the 2000s?
How short is too short?
How annoying is too annoying?
How much make-up is too much?
Boundaries, they have no boundaries.

It's all delicious.  It's one hour of mind-numbing and hilarious entertainment.  I'm being introduced to a portion of the population that I never even knew existed.


liz @ bon temps beignet said...

I, too, am officially o.b.s.e.s.s.e.d. with everything Joi-zy. I even got my husband into watching the Real Housewives of NJ. It's the only RHW show he'll watch but he loves all the craziness.

Heidi Jane Blankets said...

I happen to agree, watch them all. DRAMA! Haha. I particularly like The Real Housewives LOL

HarmSkills said...

love RHW but I am a bit sick of the Danielle drama. we get it... she crazy. I think I am going to do season 2 of Jersey Shore... didnt watch much of the first season!

Jennifer said...

I resisted from Jersey Shore for the longest time - and then sat down and watched the entire first season on a marathon and have to say - sooooo much better than The Hills!

Emily said...

I could not agree more!

The Nerdy Katie said...

You need to watch Hysterical Blindness ASAP. It has Uma Thurman and someone else in it. Watch it now.

Kelli said...

First, I love your blog.

Second, I am from New Jersey. South Jersey to be specific. All of the shows you mentioned are taped in North Jersey, with the exception of Jersey Shore but those people aren't even from New Jersey.

New Jersey should be two separate states. Like the Carolinas.

Anyhoo...I'd like to clear up a few things. My friends and I are not orange. We don't wear the large gold hoops....anymore. The northerners have a much different accent then us southerners.

I believe that the RHW show should be renamed to Real Housewives of North Jersey. Most people in South Jersey agree. They give all the people of New Jersey a bad name. But I still watch the show :)

Mrs E said...

Then... you NEED to do this.
can you please post the results as another blog post? Mmmmkay thanks.

One Pork Chop said...

@ Kelli - No hard feelings, I hope. I totally understand the frustration with being lumped into a crazy group of people. I am from Louisiana, you know. I also lived in Mississippi for many years, so, trust me, I feel ya.

With that said, I love me some Jersey people. I especially love Olivia from Jerseylicious. Last night she said, "Thank GAWWWD I always have a smokey eye!"

I walked around the house saying that all night. Her accent is to die.

MrsE: I loved that website. LOL I will have to do a follow up for sure.

Kelli said...

No hard feelings! :)

lena said...

I love some some Jersey too. Tanning and cigarettes, what else do you need.

Kelly said...

hey there - another kelly from Jersey here. Although, I'm from Northern Jersey (and we think the same about south jersey). I promise you I have no accent, normal hair and nails, paler-than-most skin, and wear appropriate clothing. i think you'll be surprised when you visit - jersey really isn't how they portray it on TV. But, I agree with you - those shows are ridiculous. And highly entertaining. Oh, and no offense here. I think we Jerseyans have pretty thick skins:)

Mary said...

Ditto EVERYTHING Kelli said - north and south Jersey should be two entirely different states (or maybe even countries.) I live in Cape May county, which is literally as far south as you can go before you fall into the Atlantic Ocean. I rarely travel any further north than Atlantic City! You should come visit and see :)

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