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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Demonic toys.

Our house is over flowing with toys.  Loud toys, bright toys, spinning toys, flashy toys.  You get it.  Lots of toys.  For an anti-clutter freak, it’s taken some getting used to, but I’ve managed to give in to Hurricane Anna, and now I just walk over the toys or kick them out of my way without thinking a second thought. Perhaps this is how a hoarder starts?

The problem I’ve been having with Anna’s toys is that some of them are activated by simply touching them, some of them are activated when the cat farts on them, some of them are activated when there’s a full moon.  Some of them activate when it’s dark in my house, Joe is at work, Anna is asleep, and everything is silent. 

Picture it, my bed, last night.  I’m lying there typing on my laptop, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I hear a scratchy, demonic sounding voice in the living room.  “Natalie, I’m coming for you.  You can’t run.  You can’t hide.”

Granted, this isn’t what was said, but when you’re tired and not expecting ANY voices to blare out in your house, you imagine all sorts of awful communication. 

I halfway expect that meowing kid from The Grudge to come into my room and crawl on the ceiling.  MEOWWWWWWWWWWW!

I freeze in panic because this is what I do when faced with fear.  I break out into a cold sweat because this is what brave people do.  I listen a little longer and fully expect to see a vision so terrifying that I would need years of therapy just to be able to speak again.

Then it stops.

I grasp reality for a second and realize, wait, could it possibly be a toy?  Not some demonic force in my house?

Thankfully, it was a toy.   A toy that is 5 steps away from being landfill.  I have to gauge my child’s love for this toy before I make a decision whether to throw it out ‘cause I do put her first, you know?

Good vs. Evil. 

By the way, a little funny side story that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of this post, but I wanted to write it down incase I ever forget.  My child has started using random items around the house as deodorant.  She must watch Joe get ready, so now everything that takes on the shape of a a bar of deodorant gets rolled on her underarm.  Last night’s choice – a Rice Krispy treat. 

Another side note.  I just turned around and Anna is wearing a pair of my clean underwear around her neck like a necklace.  This child never ceases to entertain me.


Jackie said...

My DD had a clean underwear "necklace" on last night too! I love the deoderant thing. Kids pick up on the simplest stuff and make it look hilarious!

liz @ bon temps beignet said...

Omg scary. Don't they make silent toys anymore? Whatever happened to the toys from the 50's? Wooden block and such. When I have kids I think I'll just tear into the toys and disable the sound. The ones that go off randomly thoughout the day are THE WORST.

The Martha Complex said...

My daughter used to use her dad's underwear as a necklace & I have the pictures to prove it when she is a teen!

Mandy said...

I hate toys with a mind of their own! I had to LOL at the deodorant thing because the boys love to put on pretend deodorant too, and they make a "shhh" sound when they do it. :) I think underwear necklaces might be the next big trend.

Holly said...

Does Anna have this toy?

I was getting ready for bed one night and the toys had been put away for hours. I had just turned out all the lights and was walking to the bedroom when I hear "I LOVE YOU". I jumped about a mile high. It was that stupid dog.

Victoria said...

LOL priceless! Anna is so awesome :P

Aly said...

So, what you're saying is that you don't use deodorant and that's why Anna could have learned it from Joe. Now we know who to blame "that" smell on. You know what smell I'm talking about! Kent will be relieved to know that she is off the hook now!

Dysfunctional Mom said...

My kids had a Barney that did that. And his batteries were old so he talked all sloooooow and scary. Freaky!

Lyndsay said...

Amelia has often worn my clean underwear as a necklace. I even have pictures to embarrass her in the future. :)

Mrs E said...

OMg...I had a total freak out about a toy once too... I didn't realize Connor has TWO barking dogs. I knew one of them was on the floor of the bedroom so I couldn't figure out why I heard it through his monitor while he napped.. I was convinced he either climbed out of the crib or a ghost made it happen.

Turns out, barking toy #2 was in the crib.

The toys ARE demonic. you're right.

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