Since Anna is on the cusp of three-dom, I figure it’s a great time to start implementing new and fun activities into our schedule. Our options for outside activities are pretty limited since we live in the sweaty butt-crack of the sun, so any activity we choose must have the following:
1) Central A/C
3) Loud sounds to distract others from my independent and sassy three-year-old.
This past weekend Joe finally had some time off of work, so we excitedly discussed the possibility of going to the beach for the weekend. Granted, the beach is missing #1, but the gulf breezes and sand castles would more than make up for it.
Since we’re brilliant, we told Anna the night before about the next day’s activities. “Anna, guess what?! Tomorrow we’re going to get to go swimming and play outside in the sand!”
Of course she was excited.
I wake up to this.
I had to break the news to her because of course her memory is like a vault and she forgets nothing. Before she could throw one of her Titanic-sized tantrums, I compromised and told her that we’d take her bye bye to watch Cars II on the big TV.
Of course if she hears the words, cars, TV and bye bye she gets excited. So, she soon forgot about our failed beach excursion and started picking out her outfit to wear to Cars.
The day wore on and on, and every other minute I got to hear, “Mommy, we go bye bye and see Cars on big TV?” Of course the showing we could attend wasn’t until 2:40, so I had to answer this question at least 206 times.
We all got ready and left fairly early just to get her to stop asking us when we were going to go bye bye. This meant that we got to the theater early. I figured she’d be easily amused by the sights and sounds and would have no issues waiting from 2:00 p.m. ‘til 2:40 when the movie would start.
She wanted to play in the arcade. She wanted to use the bathroom, and now that she’s Miss Independent, I can no longer be in the bathroom stall with her. She shouts, “NO, MOMMY, GO AWAY!” and all of the people in the bathroom stare at me like I’m Chester the Molester.
We finally decide to go to where the movie entrance is, and we hear that the earlier showing is ending. People start leaving, and Anna is ready to go in. This was around 2:30.
We grab our popcorn and belongings and head into the theater. We decide to get a seat at the top because that’s what smart parents do. The big TV lights up, and I think we’re finally getting somewhere.
Then the previews begin. And keep going. And going. And going.
All the while Anna is flipping out of her seat, leaning on the seat in front of her, shouting that the TV is “too loud,” running up and down the theater stairs because she loves stairs, saying she wants to go because it hurts her ears, yelling that she’ll be right back and heads down the stairs again.
I glance over at Joe, and he has his – I told you so and you didn’t listen – face.
I sink into my chair and then grab my popcorn, my Diet Coke, my purse and Anna’s bag and walk down the stairs with my tail tucked in between my legs.
I look down the rows at all of the good girls and boys and wonder where we went wrong, what was the one second of something we did that made Anna a movie terror. Did I eat too many sour cream and cheddar potato chips while pregnant? Stand too close to the microwave? Or am I just naïve to think that a vocal three year old would sit perfectly still in a movie theater for 2 straight hours?
So, if we ever attempt to take her to another movie before she’s thirty, I will do the following:
1) Get to the movie theater exactly 30 minutes AFTER the movie starts and just have Joe sit in there saving our seats until we get there.
2) Muzzle my child.
3) Leash my child.
4) Take a Xanax.
At least Joe got to gloat and do the “I told ya so” speech as we were walking to the car with a screaming toddler. ‘Cause you know as soon as we left the theater she wanted to go back.
$15.00 on a movie ticket. $8.50 on a drink and popcorn. Taking your three year old to a movie way before she’s ready. Priceless.
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