It’s no secret that I’m a Saints fan. Even if you’re not much of a football fan, I’m sure you’re aware that the Saints have kicked major butt this season and will be playing in their first Super Bowl game this Sunday evening. Having a ticket to to attend this bowl game is like having a golden ticket to see Willie Wonka.
Unless you’re a big wig politician, a multi-millionaire or a sucker willing to go into deep amounts of debt to attend this game, your butt will be firmly planted on your plush sofa yelling WHO DAT from the privacy of your own home (or friends’ home or local bar or tailgate party). My point is that these tickets are extremely expensive and extremely difficult to obtain.
Since we’re not politicians or multi-millionaires, we decided to press our luck and buy some charity raffle tickets online. Hey, they were only $2, and they went to a good cause. So, we said a silent prayer and clicked the submit button to close the deal. We never win anything. Ever. However, a fortune cookie told us that this would be the best year ever, so we knew we’d win. Why not? A fortune cookie said so. The best year ever = going to the Super Bowl. Case closed.
So, Wednesday was the lucky day – the day our names would surely be chosen for this amazing prize. Tick tock, tick tock, no calls. No emails. No nothing. Did they forget about us? Did we input our phone number incorrectly? What gives?!
In a distracted state of mine, I began preparing lunch for my child. You know, a healthy lunch like Swanson’s chicken nuggets and a cheese slice. In the middle of my preparation, Joe’s phone rings. He looks at the caller ID. He shows me the phone - “Number unavailable.” Who the heck could it be? We both stare at each other in nervous anticipation. He slides the bar and answers the phone. Here’s how the conversation goes:
Joe: "Yes, this is Joe!"
Joe: You're kidding me!!!
At this point I’m grabbing the counter to keep from passing out on the floor. My heart is racing a mile a minute, and I’m about to explode with the loudest WHO DAT ever heard ‘round these parts.
Joe: "WE NEVER WIN ANYTHING! Oh MY GOD!"
Then he throws the phone to me and says, "Talk to them!"
I'm yelling into the phone, "Hello? Hello? Hello?" No response. I panic. "Holy crap, Joe, you hung up on them! I panic some more. “How do we call them back?!”
Joe falls over in a fit of laughter while I'm standing there still talking to some non-existent person on the other end of the line. My world came crashing down, everything faded to brown and black. I realized, at that point, that I'd been had by the King Jokester. He can’t even speak because he’s laughing so hard. I’m just standing there with the biggest WTF expression on my face. Complete and utter disgust.
He walks up to me and shows me his newest iPhone App - the Fake Caller app. You can set it up for your phone to ring with a fake caller on the other end. Now iPhone can be proud of all of the divorces they will cause ‘round the world from this idiotic crap. How many hearts have to be broken before this type of stuff is outlawed?
I'm going to need therapy after today's events. Does iPhone have an app for that?