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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Why, cat, why?

I love animals, I really do; however, I am quickly falling out of love with my animals.  Yes, they're cute and cuddly and warm and fuzzy, and sometimes they make me laugh or say "aww," but more often than not, I'm looking at them with malice and contempt in my eyes.  They have turned my clean house into an episode of Clean House, and I'm very bitter and disgusted, to say the least. 

The majority of floor space in my house is either hardwood or tile.  The only carpeting in our house is in the bedrooms or the random small rugs that I've placed near entrances to our home.  Basically, we've got a 70/30 ratio of hard flooring to carpet, understand?  So, will someone please explain to me why my cat Chloe, the bane of my existence, alwasy feels the need to puke up her orange cat food in the carpeted areas, just inches away from the hardwood?

Here's a visual:























Cat food companies must be on a mission to add as much dye to their food as possible.  That way, whenever an animal pukes it back up (as cats often do), it will surely permanently stain the carpet.  My mom said she wants to invent clear cat food.  I think she's on to something here, I really do.  I would buy stock in clear cat food. 

Before you get all PETA on me, trust me, animal lovers, there's nothing medically wrong with Chloe.  She's been to the vet, and we've tried multiple foods - she pukes them all up.  I think she has a kitty eating disorder.  I've watched her gorge on food like Adam Richman on Man v. Food.  She actually purrs while she eats.  Then, like clockwork, up it comes only minutes later.  If she would just eat small bites like a normal cat, she'd be fine.  There's really nothing I can do, folks.  Except follow behind her with a bottle of Resolve and a garbage bag. 

Welcome to my glamorous life.  We flyin' first class up in the sky. 

10 comments:

{katrina} said...

Love the new look here at OPC! Ca-ute!

OMGAWD! Our stupid cat does the same damn thing! I call it kitty bulemia. Only, our cat does it any where...we've got a 90:10 ratio on the hard surfaces v. tile. Try stepping in a pile of it in the middle of the night while walking to the bathroom! Disgusting!

Stupid cats!

Meg said...

One of my cats does almost exactly the same thing, only she prefers to puke on my comforter. There is not a single stich of carpeting on the entire main floor of my house. She has unlimited hard surfaces to choose from, yet she ALWAYS pukes on my comforter, and on the day I wash it, no less. I'd be happy to participate in a clinical trial of your mom's clear cat food. Send it on over.

Angela said...

Pinkie has an eating disorder too. Drives me insane!!

The Martha Complex said...

Crazy you wrote a blog about vomiting animals!

My chihuahua threw up last night - on my burbur carpet. Yucky thing was, by the time I got the spray & a rag to clean it up, the darn thing ate it! HE ATE HIS VOMIT!!!

Gotta love pets. :)

Anonymous said...

My cat does the same thing. I have noticed that since we stopped giving Friskas and went w/ a higher end brand (Felidae) that it has all but stopped.

Stephanie said...

I'm so glad to hear my cat is not the only one to do this - nothing like waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of our cat retching - between baby and kitty, I rarely get a full night sleep! We changed to sensitive stomach food recently and I thought we were making progress, until last night :(...I'm going to buy stock in Folex (best carpet cleaner out there)!

Anonymous said...

I love animals. I used to email cute pictures of my dogs to people. (until i had a kid and realized how annoying it is to compare parenthood to pet ownership.) with all of that said, I fantasize about a time where I'm not cleaning up dog puke (weird doggie stomache problems) or cleaning up pee from my white carpets (old dog is getting a "forgetful") or buying $80 dog food b/c they have sensitive stomaches.

You are not alone.

pardon my spelling...

~Amanda F

Marcia said...

We used to have the same problem with our cat until we starting feeding him Science Diet that comes in bigger kibbles (or whatever you want to call them) this took him longer to eat the food because the pieces were so big (so no more inhaling the food!).

Javelin Rockford said...

Hey Natalie,

It is Jeremy of Beth and Jeremy. I am such a nerd, I found a small error on your blog. Your Tweet Tweet button is linking to: http://http//www.twitter.com/oneporkchopblog. I belive it should be going to http://www.twitter.com/oneporkchopblog.

Sorry if this comes off being picky, I am just trying to help get your numbers up.

'Dee said...

Longtime lurker, first-time poster. Clear cat food - genius!

Oh how everything you say is true. After reading this post and laughing out loud, I gave my own "vomitus maximus" a good old glare just because.

PS, OxyClean mixed in warm water is also genius -- but if you have darker carpet, go light on the OxyClean, heavy on the water, or you'll have a white spot instead of a red-puke spot :-)

Lessons learned from the kitty-puke front over many years...

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