I love animals, I really do; however, I am quickly falling out of love with my animals. Yes, they're cute and cuddly and warm and fuzzy, and sometimes they make me laugh or say "aww," but more often than not, I'm looking at them with malice and contempt in my eyes. They have turned my clean house into an episode of Clean House, and I'm very bitter and disgusted, to say the least.
The majority of floor space in my house is either hardwood or tile. The only carpeting in our house is in the bedrooms or the random small rugs that I've placed near entrances to our home. Basically, we've got a 70/30 ratio of hard flooring to carpet, understand? So, will someone please explain to me why my cat Chloe, the bane of my existence, alwasy feels the need to puke up her orange cat food in the carpeted areas, just inches away from the hardwood?
Here's a visual:
Cat food companies must be on a mission to add as much dye to their food as possible. That way, whenever an animal pukes it back up (as cats often do), it will surely permanently stain the carpet. My mom said she wants to invent clear cat food. I think she's on to something here, I really do. I would buy stock in clear cat food.
Before you get all PETA on me, trust me, animal lovers, there's nothing medically wrong with Chloe. She's been to the vet, and we've tried multiple foods - she pukes them all up. I think she has a kitty eating disorder. I've watched her gorge on food like Adam Richman on Man v. Food. She actually purrs while she eats. Then, like clockwork, up it comes only minutes later. If she would just eat small bites like a normal cat, she'd be fine. There's really nothing I can do, folks. Except follow behind her with a bottle of Resolve and a garbage bag.
Welcome to my glamorous life. We flyin' first class up in the sky.
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