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Saturday, March 13, 2010

Dr. Google.

Admittedly, I am a bit of a hypochondriac.

Dull headache? It's a tumor.
Pain in my stomach? It's a baby.
Blurred vision? It's eye cancer.

I'm not really sure why I'm this way, but I'm willing to bet it stems from my hypochondriac mother. That's just a guess.

So, it's always fun when I innocently Google some random symptom for something I'm feeling, hearing, smelling, seeing.

Here's how it usually goes down...

Hangnail.  Innocent enough.  Certainly there's an easy solution.  Something not too painful.  Something that I won't need copious amounts of prescription narcotics for, right?

Let's see what Wiki, the authority on all things factual, says:

::If you ignore a hangnail, you will get gangrene in your finger and eventually die a penniless, fingerless loser::

I feel the blood rise.  My heart starts pumping.  I'm going to lose a finger?  I will die penniless?  It's a harmless hangnail.  Isn't it? 

I start writing out my will while my finger is still in non-gangrenous working order.  I divide my penny between my child and my husband.

Then I sue Google for freaking me the hell out! 

Let this be a little PSA for you guys and girls.  DO NOT GOOGLE DISEASE STUFF!  You will freak yourself out unnecessarily and get a finger amputated for no darn reason.  Don't tell me that I never taught you anything.  You can take this to the bank, my friend.

I'm off to go soak my finger in epsom salt now.  That's what the people on Yahoo! answers advise. 


KP said...

Haha! I'm a doctor, and am constantly talking to my patients about Dr Google. It's the worst!

Erin said...

Google always tells you something dramatic. I think that dr.'s pay them for making us think we are going to die, no matter what the symptoms are.
I love your blog, you are really funny and your daughter is adorable :)

Bella Mia Bows & Things said...

haha! i love it! its funny, cuz its true =) we are all guilty of this! including moi.

<3 Loo Hoo <3 said...

I am the same way.

OhioFamOf4 said...

My husband had to take away the computer when I had cancer. I was a hypochondriac before that so you can only imagine what I'm like now. Although, I'm running out of things to have checked out so I'm kind of in a good place right now. :-)

Kaybee said...

I love this post. You are not alone in being a hypochondriac. I just had my second baby 2 weeks ago and had an epidural. My back is a little sore today and now I'm freaking out that I'm going to lose all feeling my legs :p

Mommy said...

LOL, oh my Gosh! I understand completely. I too am totally guilty of Dr. Google. I once googled about a ridge down my babies forehead, because I had just noticed it. In less than 10 seconds flat, I just knew that her skull was fusing prematurely and she needed surgery. I literally had myself worked up for weeks until her next checkup where she was declared 100% healthy and I was told to lay off the Google.

Also, visiting you from Lady Bloggers Tea Party. I love your blog so far!

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