Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Babyruth.

Bath time is always an experience in my house. Now that my child is no longer confined to her bath seat, she’s free to explore the depths of our household tub. She splishes. She splashes. She soaks everything within a 2 mile radius. She’s learned how to squirt water from her bath toys and giggles when her bath doll pees on the floor. She likes to stand and slip a little so she can give me a heart attack. Then she falls on her butt and further soaks our drywall. I’m sure we’ll have mold soon.



Her latest antics, however, are a bit...shall we say, concerning. And, let's be honest, repulsive. Vomit-inducing repulsion.

My child has started using our tub as a toilet. Yes, I’ve got a tub crapper on my hands.

I'm not talking about rabbit turd craps, people, I'm talking enough crap to fill a size 4 diaper. Enough crap to warrant a Hazmat suit. Enough crap to send smelly poo vapors through our air vents, outside to our neighbors’ homes. I just know the HOA is meeting about the broken sewer main that must be by our house.

I scream, I cry, I call for help, but help never comes. Instead, "help" (aka Joe) stands outside the bathroom door laughing and mocking as I reach into the forbidden poo abyss to rescue the Babyruth floaters that are bobbing up and down in the murky tub water.

I pull Anna out of the tub. She stands there dripping water on our cold tile floors as the sweat beads form on my forehead and the vomit rises in my throat. She points and laughs and farts for good measure.



Here’s a visual of how it goes down in my house:

bath


When I signed up to be a mom, I never agreed to this. There must be some hidden disclaimer that I forgot to read in my parenting books about tub poopers. I feel as though I’m entitled to some sort of compensation – perhaps money, a new car, definitely NOT a lifetime of chocolate.

9 comments:

Jennifer said...

Masterpiece!!!

Jeremy said...

This might be one of your funniest post ever!

Opening G's long lost sippy cups that had been lost under a couch brought out my gap reflex last week.

Stephanie J. said...

They all go through that, but it doesn't last long. Keep the tub toys to a minimum and keep a plastic cup near the tub to scoop out the mess without touching it. I agree, vomit.

Beth@ Southern Living Naturally said...

Hilarious!!

Yeah it's nice when you hear your husband retching into the sink over a sippy cup o'clumps. Lovely.

I must have a gag reflex of steel because those things don't phase me at all. LOL

Kent said...

Oh Sweet Jesus!!! Dear Lord please don't let Sarah Beth be a tub crapper! How about getting an old strainer from the kitchen and using it to fish out the turds? That is just horrendous. I say Joe takes over for baths for now, lol.

The Mrs said...

OMG. I had the crappiest day at work and this post has had me laughing for 30 minutes. Thank you...and I hope Anna passes through this poop in the tub phase quickly!

Kelli said...

This is hilarious! Thank you for the laugh :)

Aly said...

I think Anna got her mom's sense of humor! Hilarious! The picture is priceless!

The other sister said...

Sooooo glad my kids weren't tub poopers!!! Definitely a black mail story for later in life - probably a good one to share with Anna's first prom date.

  © Blogger templates The Professional Template by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Back to TOP