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Friday, May 29, 2009

Lord of the flies.

So, I'm scared of butterflies.

Edit: I'm scared of all winged bugs that can fly and become entangled in my afro-licious hair.

However, I won't kill a winged bug. I feel a kinship with them, a mutual respect. They don't bug me, I don't bug them. Living with this philosophy has enabled me to co-exist peacefully with the bees, butterflies and other winged creatures. Not once have I been stung - I'm knocking on wood right now - not once have I had a bug fly in my face, up my mouth, up my nose or any other orifice of my body. You get it. Mutual Respect.

In bug world, there must be a memo floating around notifying all winged creatures to leave me alone. "Hey, that girl with the curly hair - you know, the hair we normally like to fly into and get knotted in - well, she's decent, she won't squash us or swat at us or kill us with an old newspaper. Leave her alone."

However, one bug must've missed that memo. And that bug is a dragonfly. This dragon fly, who I've appropriately named Kujo, decided that its mission in life was to taunt and tease me, to keep me locked in my car, to stare at me with its big, bug-like eyes.

I wanted Taco Bell really badly. How could I open my window to order when Kujo was perched there?

This picture was taken with my cell phone. This is the driver-side window. As you can see, Kujo wasn't playing fair.

I know, I know. I should've just driven off. Kujo would've blown off with the wind, and I would've been able to eat my Nachos Bell Grande in peace. I couldn't do it. As soon as my car started to speed up, Kujo's wings started to sway and whip in the wind. How tragic!

So, I did the next best thing. I was brave. I got out of my car. More like ran out of my car. (Keep in mind Anna is asleep in her car seat this whole time.) I took a pen and touched Kujo's butt hoping this would make him fly away.

It worked.

'Cept he flew into my car.

His huge, heaving body made a loud sound when it landed. Enough to give me 7 layers of chills. Enough to make me heave in repulsion.

Ok, now what do I do?

I saw my innocent child in the backseat. I had to be brave for her.

I got inside my car, very close to Kujo. I touched his butt with a pen again. He flew. Towards me.

I fell backwards.

People started to gather around. Ok, one man, but still.

Kujo lands on the inside panel of my car door. I could've easily shut the door and ended his life at that point, but what would that prove?

The one on-looker started making his way to my car. He asked me if there was a bee.

"No," I said, "a dragon fly. His name is Kujo."

(I didn't really tell him the bug's name. )

However, the man looked at me like I just took a hit off a crackpipe.

"I've got it under control, sir."

Did I?

Yes! I did. Kujo decided to leave me alone at that point. He flew away, but not before leaving me a present of poop. Yes, dragon flies poop. I didn't take a picture of it - I'm not that gross.

My child was still sleeping after all of this. A lot of help she was, huh?

On to Taco Bell.


Kent said...

LOL - you are too funny! He probably pooed because you kept prodding his poopy hole! I hate butterflies too - there are some butterfly pavilions around here and I think that would be to go into one of those pits of doom!

mandie lane said...

I had no idea dragon flies poop.

And I also forgot how gosh-darn funny you are. This blog, I love.

Jen said...

I laughed out loud reading this. Mostly because I can imagine that exact type of thing happening to me and my reaction would have been exactly like yours! :)

Angela said...

LMAO!! I love your stories. :-)

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