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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Pining for Jeannie.

I've been to the dark side over the past few days, and it wasn't pretty. It was scary. And Dark. And germ-y. And a place I never want to visit again.

Being the hypochondriac that I am, I was convinced I'd somehow contracted the Swine Flu. I go to the Jazz Fest and touch a PortaPotty door and what happens? I get Swine Flu, right?

Nah, just a bad viral something. I shall stop there and spare you the gory details.

I'm over it now. Thankfully. My toilets thank me, too.

So, that leaves me with one messofahouse. Like a Cat 5 Hurricane and F5 Tornado mated, birthed a Tazmanian-like Tsunami and let it loose in every room of my house. I was only sick in one room, so why is every single room in my house a disaster? I just stand and turn in circles going round and round and wondering how on Earth I'm ever going to get some order back into dis place?

Working a full-time job, being a mom, a wife, and a self-confessed reality TV junkie leaves me with little time to tidy up like I used to. I'm a neat freak by nature, so living with this disorganization makes me feel uneasy and makes me want to cry a little (or a lot).

This is why I'm pining for Jeannie.

I'd like to have a Genie (Or Jeannie) right now. I don't care if it's a woman in a slutty tube top or a blue, fat man or a dog or a rainbow-colored zebra so long as I could ask for a clean house and have a clean house with a simple nod of his/her/its head.

I would also ask for 10 minutes alone with Topher Grace, but that's another post for another day.

As I pry myself up from this chair in my filthy home office, I pose this question to you - if you could ask a Genie or Jeannie to grant you one wish, any wish at all, what would that wish be?

Off to clean now. Le sigh.

6 comments:

Allison aka Half of VAMH said...

I'm glad you are feeling better Nat! And I think you mean Genie..unless you specifically mean 'I Dream of Jeanie' -- which really, they are the same thing!

I would ask for the same as you. A genie (no Robin Williams voices please) that would do my laundry and clean my house. The entire house.

One Pork Chop said...

Nope, I meant Jeannie at first and then went off in another tangent. I added some words for clarification. :) Genie or Jeannie, I don't care, just someone to clean my house.

Jen said...

Glad your feeling better! I'm a bit of a germaphobe myself! And I relate to the clean house..I think it is perfectly normal once babies enter our lives!
If I had a Genie (or Jeannie) I'd ask for a personal chef-- I'm OK with the cleaning even though my little two year old tornado takes down and dirties up EVERYthing right away! (you'll understand in a year or so ;)
It is the daily cooking that I could use serious help with--I'm not creative and feel like we eat the same thing over and over!!
p.s. the Topher Grace comment had me cracking up!!!

Beth said...

I want a personal chef also! Or maybe a full time nanny. Hm... tough choice. How bout a full time nanny who also is a chef? There we go.

I'm so glad you are feeling better. I wasn't going to point this out until I made sure you were alive, but how hilarious would it have been if you contracted the swine flu just weeks after you started up a blog named One Pork Chop?

That is comedy gold right there.

One Pork Chop said...

God, it really is, Beth. And don't think I didn't think about that already. Lolzzzzzz.

Freckles Chick said...

OMG, Topher Grace! You're a girl after my own heart, Nat. I daydream that he'll come to his senses, leave Ivanka Trump, and text his undying love to me. B/c I don't usually return phone calls, so texting would be best.

I'm so glad you're feeling better! Talk about a full plate =[ Don't worry, it'll all eventually be done in its own sweet time.

(And THANK YOU for all of your kick-ass comments recently!!)

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