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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Pining for Jeannie.

I've been to the dark side over the past few days, and it wasn't pretty. It was scary. And Dark. And germ-y. And a place I never want to visit again.

Being the hypochondriac that I am, I was convinced I'd somehow contracted the Swine Flu. I go to the Jazz Fest and touch a PortaPotty door and what happens? I get Swine Flu, right?

Nah, just a bad viral something. I shall stop there and spare you the gory details.

I'm over it now. Thankfully. My toilets thank me, too.

So, that leaves me with one messofahouse. Like a Cat 5 Hurricane and F5 Tornado mated, birthed a Tazmanian-like Tsunami and let it loose in every room of my house. I was only sick in one room, so why is every single room in my house a disaster? I just stand and turn in circles going round and round and wondering how on Earth I'm ever going to get some order back into dis place?

Working a full-time job, being a mom, a wife, and a self-confessed reality TV junkie leaves me with little time to tidy up like I used to. I'm a neat freak by nature, so living with this disorganization makes me feel uneasy and makes me want to cry a little (or a lot).

This is why I'm pining for Jeannie.

I'd like to have a Genie (Or Jeannie) right now. I don't care if it's a woman in a slutty tube top or a blue, fat man or a dog or a rainbow-colored zebra so long as I could ask for a clean house and have a clean house with a simple nod of his/her/its head.

I would also ask for 10 minutes alone with Topher Grace, but that's another post for another day.

As I pry myself up from this chair in my filthy home office, I pose this question to you - if you could ask a Genie or Jeannie to grant you one wish, any wish at all, what would that wish be?

Off to clean now. Le sigh.


Allison aka Half of VAMH said...

I'm glad you are feeling better Nat! And I think you mean Genie..unless you specifically mean 'I Dream of Jeanie' -- which really, they are the same thing!

I would ask for the same as you. A genie (no Robin Williams voices please) that would do my laundry and clean my house. The entire house.

One Pork Chop said...

Nope, I meant Jeannie at first and then went off in another tangent. I added some words for clarification. :) Genie or Jeannie, I don't care, just someone to clean my house.

Jen said...

Glad your feeling better! I'm a bit of a germaphobe myself! And I relate to the clean house..I think it is perfectly normal once babies enter our lives!
If I had a Genie (or Jeannie) I'd ask for a personal chef-- I'm OK with the cleaning even though my little two year old tornado takes down and dirties up EVERYthing right away! (you'll understand in a year or so ;)
It is the daily cooking that I could use serious help with--I'm not creative and feel like we eat the same thing over and over!!
p.s. the Topher Grace comment had me cracking up!!!

Beth said...

I want a personal chef also! Or maybe a full time nanny. Hm... tough choice. How bout a full time nanny who also is a chef? There we go.

I'm so glad you are feeling better. I wasn't going to point this out until I made sure you were alive, but how hilarious would it have been if you contracted the swine flu just weeks after you started up a blog named One Pork Chop?

That is comedy gold right there.

One Pork Chop said...

God, it really is, Beth. And don't think I didn't think about that already. Lolzzzzzz.

Freckles Chick said...

OMG, Topher Grace! You're a girl after my own heart, Nat. I daydream that he'll come to his senses, leave Ivanka Trump, and text his undying love to me. B/c I don't usually return phone calls, so texting would be best.

I'm so glad you're feeling better! Talk about a full plate =[ Don't worry, it'll all eventually be done in its own sweet time.

(And THANK YOU for all of your kick-ass comments recently!!)

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